SPX 2008: About Thirteen And A Half Seconds

Been about a week, so its finally time for my belated SPX report!

- First off, some visual aides.

… Here at last we have the fort90zine, issue number one. Once again, all things considered, I guess it didn’t turn out too shabby. Though the end result is a tad bit different from what I had in mind originally, and not just because of time restraints; I literally had to drop 60% of the stuff I was going to include in order to keep the page count under control (though on the bright side, I more or less know exactly what will be in issue two). There was also supposed to be a forward from Raina Lee, you know, the creator of the 1UP MegaZine, which to be completely honest, I was hoping to have to serve as a passing of the torch/rub of legitimacy, but I lost contact with her as the deadline approached.

Plus there’s a few super silly spelling and grammatical errors that completely flew under the radar during my mad dash to get everything put together at the very last minute (which again was not the plan, though as Dave Roman noted as things were beginning to go haywire a few days prior: “Dude, 50% of people at SPX assemble their books the day of.”). When I first noticed these mistakes at the Kinkos in Columbus Circle, about 4:30 in the morning, just a few hours before I had to catch the bus for the show, all I could do was groan since I had no real means of fixing them, yet I was also so exhausted that I simply didn’t have the energy to get all that bent out of shape. At the very least, the silkscreen cover turned out really nice, thanks to Katie (all the good ones were from her; the ones I tried producing, for the most part, were smudgy messes), and the cheesecake centerfold that Hilary provided turned out even better than expected…

… The best response to it thus far has to be from Bryan Lee O’Malley: “The Hilary Florido Resident Evil pinup is eerily similar to an old Final Fantasy drawing of mine…”

In addition to the zine, I also had a brand spanking new edition of UNLUCKY! Again, the original plan was to have two, even three, new preview minis, but everyone’s schedule got all wacky, so I ended up producing just one, but with three stories instead of two. I’ll let the cover do the talking, though I will simply say that it’s pretty damn awesome! Zack, Travis, and Dave Savage all did a bang-up job…

… For those who weren’t able to make it to the show, both UNLUCKY #4 and the zine will be available for sale via the store real soon, as well as Forbidden Planet, as soon as I can get my lazy ass over there to drop books off.

- Back to the trip: Katie and I decided to forgo the normally crappy, el-cheapo buses that go down to DC, like the Chinatown hell-rides, not just because I didn’t want a chicken on my lap the entire time, but they’re not so cheap anymore. Katie found a company that departed from Penn Station that Friday morning around 11:30, but due to a mechanical problem, our intended vehicle broke down. So while waiting for the next one an hour later, we killed time at K-Mart by making fun of all the Martha Stewart products, mostly because I was so punch-drunk from fatigue.

Once we were finally on a bus, we were giving two choices. First, because we were running late, we either had the option of stopping at a rest stop or going directly to DC. Because we were all running late, everyone voted to skip the rest stop, which made me sad, because the best part of being out of town was dining at foreign fast food eateries, like a Bob’s Big Boy. Next was the choice of film that we would all get to see: Ocean’s Thirteen and The Game Plan. Because we both like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and can’t stand George Clooney, Katie and I enthusiastically voted for the latter offering, and I believe we were the deciding vote. Though I was far too tired to actually watch the movie, because I immediately passed out as soon as we were on our way (whereas Katie immediately began messing around with my new iPhone). I woke up in time to see a girl and the Rock both ballet dancing; on a plane, to fully enjoy the in-flight movie, you have to plug in earphones to hear the audio, but not on this bus, where it was blaring all throughout. Plus, in addition to the movie, they decided to play the special features afterwards. Oy vey. At the very least, also before the bus got underway, the dude in charge asked everyone to not take a crap in the toilet for the benefit of all the riders in the back, and if anyone did have to take a dump to just tell the driver and he’d find an appropriate spot. So at least the four-hour plus ride down was not stinky.

- Katie and I were dropped off in DC around 6-ish, and after navigating our way through the vaguely Logan’s Run-ish Metro, we made it to our hotel and the site of the big show. Not too long after, our hotel roommates Pat Lewis and his buddy Ed Piskor arrived; we all checked in and immediately went out for dinner. On the way back, Pat stumbled across an abandoned license plate on the side of the road…

… The rest of the evening was spent just chilling at the hotel bar with Pat & Ed, along with other assorted comic book types, like Kevin and Miss and the rest of the House of Twelve gang. There was also some ridiculous reunion going on, a bunch of folks that were all on the same football team in 1978. At one point, some guy had to make a speech and everyone else not involved was told to hush… and I’m sorry, but nothing pisses me off more than being told to “shush!” at a bar. That’s when I discovered the true genius that is Ed Piskor; the due loves gadgets and had with him a wristwatch that could also act as a remote control to television sets. After fiddling with the dials, to find the frequencies of the sets that were at the bar, Ed then went around, real casual like, and turned off all the TVs, which mostly had football games of course. You just had to be there. Funny as hell. Afterwards I simply retired to our room to catch some cable television, since I don’t get Cartoon Network at home. Also watched some ESPN Classics because they were playing a marathon of the original American Gladiators.

- Enough idle chitchat, onto the show itself proper…

… Truth be told, there’s not a whole heck of a lot to talk about; in the end, it was a pretty strange SPX overall. I?m not going to lie; sales-wise, this was far from my best show. Sold some UNLUCKYs, but the zine was kind of a bust; it wasn’t until I was in the thick of things that I realized that the cross-over between video game aficionados and indie comics aficionados, at least the ones that go to SPX, is virtually non-existent. Yet it wasn’t a complete bomb, and still managed to find itself in the hands of those that happen to be both, such as O’Malley, plus by the end of the weekend I got a massive order for both it and the latest UNLUCKY, so technically I came close to selling out of everything. I have a strong feeling that the zine will do much better in NYC, and at MoCCA.

I’ve also been to enough shows and had enough varying degrees of success to realize that there is absolutely no real winning formula. By all accounts, Katie and I were in a totally sweet spot, right across from a bustling indie comics distributor, and right next to a fellow who for the purpose of this report shall remain nameless, but someone that I’m not only an admirer of, but also does really well and who always appears to be busy no matter what the show, so I figured that we were in excellent shape. But things were somewhat dead the whole two days, not just for myself and Katie, but everyone in our row, including the aforementioned dude. Hard to say why, though I kinda want to blame the dude that was on the other side of us, who had this gigantic set-up for some crappy furry comic that he wasn’t even selling but just giving away (sorry, but nothing scares potential customers away more than the desperate guy that forces his wares onto you like a carnival barker, even if its at no cost, and what’s worse is how such antics often negatively impacts those around him). Not helping was how he had a real attitude problem, plus when his mom (or at least I think that who she was) went to join him behind the table would always manage to step on my bag, despite my stuff being far and away from his. Anyway, point being, some folks did really well at the show, while others did pretty crappy.

- Once day one came to a close, it was then time for the the Ignatz Awards, which recognizes outstanding talents and works in the field of small press cartooning. Though before that, myself, Katie, Pat, Ed, and Katie’s pal from college Drew, who now lives in the area, all went to grab some grub. The place was an all you can Chinese buffet, those places that have a little bit of everything, though the only things worth touching are the Chinese dishes, and most certainly not the pizza. But I did hear the soft serve ice cream was decent (better than what they serve at the Lincoln Memorial? I highly doubt it). Afterwards was the handing out of bricks, and I gotta say… awards in general are nothing more than a popularity contest, yet the Ignatz’s in general are especially weird; the nominees are chosen by a trusted committee well beforehand, but all the voting is done by the show-goers the day of, which is hardly scientific. Especially the best debut mini comic, or whatever category that had literally 60 different choices to choose from. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t mind getting one myself, or even being nominated; we all want a little bit of the rub including myself, since it supposedly guarantees an increase in sales, hence why most people will not publicly say anything negative about it, even though everyone I spoke with felt the same way, if not more so (I’m only “trashing” it cuz I know I’ll probably never be nominated, ever). Hell, the next day, I decided to scope out a bunch of nominees, books that I would have otherwise never bothered to touch (and in the case of a few, I was left scratching my head as to why they got a nod in the first place). Anyhow, the highlight was the guy in the monkey suit that accepted the award on the behalf of Chris Onstad for Achewood (who apparently does not want his real face to be known, hence the representative) who was far funnier than I expected him to be.

Oh, and here’s a few sketches that Pat scribbled during the ceremony….

… The word’s horniest pizza is by Katie, of course.

- Afterwards was a chance to get drunk and make an ass of one’s self. Two years ago I tried to see how many cherry tomatoes and baby carrots I could stuff in my ago. This time there was this big chocolate fondue set-up and Colleen and I decided to go for the gold by dipping a cherry tomato that was topped with horseradish sauce into the coco stream and digesting it. And… we both nearly threw up, right then and there. But we didn’t, because we are both champions (of something).

There was also a point in which someone suggested I do a “Buffalo Bill” which meant me standing on a table, taking off all my clothes (or at least just my pants), then tucking my genitals in-between my legs, as to appear that I have female sex organs instead of male ones, you know, like that scene in SIlence of the Lambs. Apparently, upon hearing the suggestion, Joey Sayers became very excited.

And here we have Hilary playing with an animu molestation game on my iPhone…

… There’s actually two, and if you have an iPhone, the links for both can be found here. Basically, I introduced Hilary to the videos of both games in action when they were first posted, so when I then showed off my new toy to her earlier that afternoon, she asked if I had gotten those games yet. She, like everyone else, was mortified to see the game at first, but was soon immediately hooked. Throughout the rest of the weekend, she tried her best to top her best score of 13.5 seconds in the second game (where you have to furiously rub the screen to rid the animu girl of all her clothing), which has yet to be topped by anyone!

- Day two was just like the first, so with not much going on at my end of the table (Katie on the other had did her usual phenomenal self… though one definite highlight was chatting with James Kochalka about games, specifically Glorkian Warrior game that was actually supposed to happen, but never did and chiptunes), I decided to finally do a little bit of shopping. Here’s the pile of minis I accumulated, after all was said and done. Once again, my golden rule is if I picked a book up and it made me laugh in an instant, I would be a total douchebag for not immediately forking over the money to the creator…

… Stand outs include Joey Sayer‘s newest collection, the man’s man of cartooning, Robert Ullman‘s latest slew of hot chicks in mini comic format, an ultra cute cat comic Aron Nels Steinke, Jim Rugg‘s Afrodisiac which not only reminded me of Black Belt Jones, and that’s a very good thing, but only cost a dollar and was by far the steal of the show, Ben Claassen the 3rd‘s hilarious assortment of gag strips starring a very depressed baby seal, a not entirely accurate by entertaining history lesson courtesy of Kate Beaton, a mini by Sarah Louise Wahrhaftig, whose work reminds appears to borrow the best parts of Lynda Barry and Liz Prince (I know people are gonna protest that last statement, and I really don’t care), a bizarre document from another world that I got from Kaz via trading, and Fatal Faux-Pas by Samuel C. Gaskin, which is so amazing that I can’t even begin to describe it.

Also nabbed….

… You’ve got a fantastic travelogue by Corinne Mucha, the latest graphic novel from my old pal Nate Powell, and a manga about some crazy mountain climber who is asked by a friend in Tokyo to help find his missing daughter, which I hear is gripping and depressing as all hell, but sounds really interesting nonetheless. And what trip to a comic show is complete without at least one clothing purchase? Here’s a pretty neat shirt courtesy of Paul Hornschemeier….

As for what was technically the “hottest” book of the show…. there was none, actually. And each year I end up picking up less and less at shows like SPX, mostly because I still have stuff from before that I still haven’t touched yet. Also, my tastes and interests have become, how shall I say, refined? At this point, I simply have zero patience for whiny, emo books. Sorry, and I know this sounds especially odd since I technically do one of my own, but I honestly can’t stand most auto bio books in general; its hard to feel sympathetic for a person trying to cope with the meaning of it all when you know some poor kid in the inner city would kill to have a life in which the biggest problem they have is its boring (I hate to go down that route, since all things in life are relative, but that’s just the state of mind I’m in, thanks in part to how crazy things are going in our country these days… hence why also films like American Beauty and Garden State give me a migraine). Worst is how some are clear signs of people’s inability to deal with how horrible high school was, despite it being ten years after the fact. Mind you, if you have a genuine (and actually entertaining) tale of woe, like a horrible teeth related accident as a child that mars most of one’s adolescence, being a guinea pig for one’s hippie-dippy parents, or having one’s mother grow slowly insane to the point that she tries to dig a hole to China in the backyard and wants your help, now we’re talking about actually compelling real life drama and truly great reading material. And while I’m on the hate train, I may as well make myself look like an even bigger jerk by going down the sexist route by also stating that I’m kinda done with comics by women whose only shtick is that they cuss and get drunk and act like guys. Its like Jenny McCarthy in comic book form. Not saying all that comics by the fairer sex has to be all sweet and pretty, or just solely be about relationships and flowers and all that jazz. I guess my point is I hate it when a shtick is obviously a shtick (and worse is when people fall for them).

- When all is said and done, the best part of any comics show is the people, seeing and hanging out with faces that one only gets to see at such affairs, and unfortunately, a number of folks were sorely missed. People like Farel Dalrymple, Toby Craig, Jamie Tanner, and Joel Carroll. Though at the very least, I did get to catch up with Nate Powell and Ed Siemienkowicz, whom I haven’t seen in God knows how many years…

Also met some really cool new people, such as Lamar Abrams, a local cartoonist to the area, whose books was easily the most pleasant surprise of the entire trip (his stuff is a fantastic amalgamation of video games, anime, superbly paced storytelling, and everything else that’s good in this world). And again, Ed Piskor is both Katie and I’s new best friend.

But unfortunately for the most part, SPX 2008 was extremely awkward, socially speaking, even more so than expected. As previously touched upon, I have fallen from grace with a certain gaggle of cool indie cartoonists and was the recipient of quite a few dirty looks and stares from various individuals (one of whom even flipped me the bird at a certain point). Again, maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but it was more than crystal clear at the show that keeping my mouth shut and taking the high road, as I’ve attempted to do for a while now, has most certainly not worked in my favor as one had assumed or hoped (and there’s definitely a point in which enough is enough and one can no longer hold their tongue). It’s all high school bullshit more or less, though the worst part is how certain folks are caught in the middle, or how some simply do not know the full story.

- One last pic: here’s a sketch Katie drew for someone who asked everyone he handed this book over to for a robot drawing…

- As soon as the show was over, Katie and I got the hell out of doge, with Hilary in tow, because she too had a job waiting for her in the city the next day…

After a brief dinner at Baja Fresh, which I really wish was all over NYC and not the oh so bland Chipotle, we went to the bus stop where some creepy Russian gay guy working for the bus company immediately began hitting on Katie. Nice. Once on the bus, we were offered no choice in terms of what to watch: Ocean’s Thirteen and that was it. At least everyone voted for it be shown after the mandatory rest stop/fuel break. Unfortunately it would have helped to stem the tides of boredom, because we ended up getting stuck in traffic for a whole two hours before hitting the half hour mark. Thank God my iPhone lasted that long to provide entertainment via its wonderful YouTube on the go functionality. Once off the road, the three of us got the chance to disappointed by the Burger King’s lack of milkshakes and then the driver popped in the movie…. You know how, when you end a stop a movie, sometimes after firing it up again, it’ll start where you left off? So we all ended up seeing the very last scene in the movie, which isn’t such a loss since that movie is such a piece of crap anyway. But seriously, my mind is blown by how wretched, yet how also loved it is; the director Steven Soderberg is like Spielberg, a director who clearly knows how to work a camera and come up with interesting shots and edits, but its all so polished that everything feels insincere, contrived. Oh, and I will admit to being a fan of George Clooney when the time is right, but him and those other Hollywood hot-shots trying to act all cool and shit is positively embarrassing. And I almost lost it when I saw Elliott Gould; first major role in a motion picture, and its that?!

… I guess that about wraps it up!