05/13/2008

Grumpy Old Men: The Video Game

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve done a long-ass post about mostly video games, right?

Not Enough Pixels

So the very first batch of WiiWare games finally went on sale yesterday. And… gotta say, after all this waiting, they’re a bit of a let down. Mind you, I say this as someone who has yet to actually play any of them. I was going to nab LostWinds, the best looking of the batch (as well as the one that most people have downloaded… and from what I’ve heard, it’s pretty decent), but the problem is… and I might get flack from some people when I say this, those other might totally be in the same boat… I just don’t have enough room on my system for the 200+ blocks its supposed to take up, And yes, I can simply erase the VC games that are taking up all that space, and just re-download them later. But… I just don’t feel like going through all that busy work. I could also simply move them to a SD card, but anyone who has already tried doing that will tell you, that shit is SLOW.

As for the other games available, I’m kinda interested in Pop, though the asking price is a bit high. I guess that’s why I’m also interested in Defend Your Castle, simply because its the cheapest of the WiiWare titles. As stated already in the forums, the really random price structure is yet another confusing aspect to the whole thing… I still have no idea what WiiWare is supposed to be all about, what the real focus or expectations are. But the all over the place pricing might be an indication of Nintendo letting the game creators calling the shots, which is a good thing. Let them succeed, as well as fail, on their own accord.

And as also already stated, I was really hoping that one of the titles would try to go for something retro and look all NES-like, since it’s clear that people still love the look and sounds of yesterdays, and are willing to try something new, or at least something they missed out on originally. Perhaps something that’s actually new and original? But then again, it probably ain’t gonna happen for several reasons. Which totally bites of course. Plus, instead of getting a “new” SNES game, I’d much rather having Starfox, thank you very much.

Back to the current crop of games, you also have that Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, and I just find it hilarious that I still have no fucking clue what that game is supposed to be. A RPG? An action RPG? A strategy game? A puzzler? Though in any case, I’ll just wait for Ousama Monogatari/King Story, which not only has a stellar developmental staff, including folks who worked on Harvest Moon, Final Fantasy 12, and Super Mario RPG, the first one for the SNES, but sorta feels like Pikmin.

When Is Enough, Enough?

Though at the moment, I’m just too busy with the games I already have on my plate, like Persona 3 FES. I’m digging it for the most part… as stated previously, I totally love the high school simulator part, which involves juggling study time, hanging with friends, flirting with girls, going to sports practice, and staying involved with student council. As for the combat, I generally enjoy that part as well; it’s nice and simple, plus creating Personas, which are these entities that reside inside your body that your force out to do battle demons by putting what looks like a gun to your head, though isn’t, and pull the trigger to “evoke” them (when Katie first saw my character blow his brains out, but not, she simply replied with “God this game is SO Japan” and she’s right) is actually lots of fun. But I’m getting to the part where all the grinding is getting to me, so unless there’s a major plot development sometime soon, I might have to give it up. Even though I did promise Atlus a review, and I try to keep my word…

Yet some might say that I’ve played enough to write one up. I beg to differ; as foolish as it is, I still believe one must play a game all the way through to review it. Something that many modern game reviewers state is all but impossible, given how long most games are, and the tight deadlines everyone has to deal with. I?m not saying that reviewing games is the hardest job in the world (and when reviewers act like it, I can?t help but roll my eyes and say something), but it is rather tricky.

Back when I was reviewing games for GMR, I made it a point to complete every single game I was presented, and I’m happy to say that I did, all except one, which was a Romance Of The Three Kingdoms title for the PS2. But those games, aside from being about 300 hours long anyway, are also totally not my cup of tea, and it took me forever to get where I got, whereas someone who knew what they were doing could have probably gotten there in one fifth the amount of time. Though for the other games I did manage to finish, they also happened to be primarily action based games, which aside from being my thing, can be completed in just a few sittings.

Though some are being to feel that reviewers maybe don’t need to finish their games. But I will say this: if I was certain a game was brilliant or crap in the first five minutes, enough to believe that no further play was necessary (especially in the case of something crap), I was afraid something might happen at the end that would drastically change my opinion, and I just didn?t want to look like a fool. Thing is, this NEVER happened.

But if I do end doing a review for Persona 3 FES, and don’t finish it beforehand, you can be sure that I will state that fact quite clearly. And that doesn’t mean that I’m going to do an official review of GTA IV, at least based on just the few hours I spent with it last weekend (Dave asked if I was going to do one). Though speaking of reviews and Dave Mauro, his long awaited Super Smash Bros Brawl review is almost done! So expect that later this week, or early next.

Oh, and speaking of Persona 3, for those who are interested, here’s the opening movie for part 4. Hopefully it’ll make it over here. Though I have to wonder what the PS2 market will be next year. Everyone knows that the PS3 has not been the stellar success that many (well, Sony) predicted it would be right out of the gate, but it is building steam (despite the fact that it’s difficult to make games for it, hence why the PS3 gets the sub-par version of any game that also comes out for the Xbox 360… cough*cough*cough*GTA IV*cough). Speaking of…

To PS3, Or To Xbox 360? Again, Those Are The Questions.

I’ve stated this in the past, though I’ve tried not to make a big deal out if it, since it’s pretty damn embarrassing, and it’s only getting worse: I am still without a 360 or PS3. Yeah, and I call myself a video game reporter, right. Believe it or not, but I have to thank GTA IV for finally opening my eyes to the fact that I can no longer comfortably game in this day and age with just the PS2, Wii, DS, and PSP alone. That and hearing Dave point out that I have a ton of 360 games, just collecting dust. So the question is, naturally, which one?

The simple answer would appear to be the Xbox 360. Why? Because it has the most games at the moment, though not all of its exclusives are stuff I necessarily dig. Halo 3 is awesome and all, or so I’ve heard… again, not my thing. Hey, but there’s also Live Arcade, right? Well, as much as I joked about how I would get the system the day Rez HD come out, the truth it, without a HD set, I’m pretty much fine with both my PS2 and Dreamcast editions. And aside from that, plus Ikaruga and Trigger Heart Exelica, both of which I already have for the DC, and Geometry Wars, which I also already have for the Wii, there isn’t much I really care for in that area. Plus, I’m not much of an online gamer to being with (though the idea of playing GTA online is pretty salivating… till I remember how I can’t control the fucking thing, probably never will), I still hate the idea that you have to pay to do so, and am also still annoyed that WiFi isn’t built into the machine. Oh, and there’s also still that whole 30% hardware failure thing too. And here comes the real issue: as some might have already heard, a brand new version of hardware is supposed to be released later this year. It might come out in August, though maybe as late as November. For the hard info, simply click here, but basically, this new iteration of the hardware will have smaller chips and a better cooling system, which should translate to no red rings of death. So I’m not too keen on the idea of buying a system that could be busted, especially with something better just down the road. But November is a long time away…

Meanwhile, there’s the PS3. And as much I fucking hate Sony and the PS3, and its inferior versions of games, as well as its gimped controller (which will be rectified in just a few weeks once the Dual Shock 3 comes over here, I know), the system does manage to do a few things right. Like how it has cooler downloadable games on its PlayStation Network, though I’m also well aware of how Everyday Shooter is now available on the PC via Steam, so I no longer have to fight the urge to blow $500 on a $10 game. So that just means I really have to get a PC now!

Then there’s… wait for it… Metal Gear Solid 4, the real reason why I all of a sudden desperately want a PS3 like right NOW. Well that and Jason recently got one, not for the game really but to be a media center; aside from playing Blu-ray movies, which I could care less about, Jason is also able to view all the stuff that he downloads from the net, and that’s something that does get me all hot and bothered (for a while I tried watching all that stuff on the go, and thought about getting an iPod Touch, but that was before my renewed “FUCK APPLE” stance, and using my PSP ain’t much better… sorry folks, but watching movies and junk on a tiny screen fucking bites, there’s no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it).

But yeah, MGS 4… I don’t know why I give a shit, I just do. I loved the first one to death; aside from being ground breaking, it was simply damn fun to play, whereas part 2 I found to be a chore, and literally got stuck halfway through because I didn’t have enough rations at the point of no return. As much as I want to check out the batshit insane, breaking the fourth wall storytelling, I just didn’t feel like starting over. Then you have part 3, which everyone also loves and adores, and for good reason: the game was simply what worked from before, just bigger and better, and all the nonsense of part 2 set to the side. Yet for whatever reason, I just couldn’t get into it. Actually I do; it was too difficult. Yeah, I know. I guess I’m also still pissed that the camera system was modified, to accommodate all those whiners who can’t deal with the traditional MGS camera, and want fucking Splinter Cell. Weak sauce fucks.

And despite the fact that part 4 looks to be the most complicated installment yet, and how the just revealed opening trailer hasn’t instilled me with that sense of “HOLY SHIT” that the trailers for parts 1, 2, and 3, as well as the first ones for 4 have done. But the word is, via the first real review from the UK, probably Edge, that it’s pretty amazing, with the stand-out comment being that it completely answers every single lingering question and mystery from the entire series. And I totally love stuff that wraps everything up, stuff you didn’t even question or knew about, as well as just revisiting the past with a modern eye. Hence why this flashback trailer has gotten me frothing with anticipation.

EDIT: Okay, here’s a not too bad recent MGS 4 trailer that I somehow missed the first time around, one that’s not so Hollywood, which is my main beef with the most recent one. Though the interesting part here is how there’s elements from the past, but as you can see here, stuff has been quietly updated…

At the very least, every MGS game brings with it a whole slew of cool shit, such as a line of shirts at Uniqlo

I guess I should maybe mention the big controversy that’s going on between Kotaku and MGS creator Kojima, which is the latest “OMG, Kotaku is teh suck!” topic over at NeoGAF. I’ll let everyone make their own minds on this particular issue, though I’m only mentioning it to point out because it is yet another example of how stuff gets lost in translation/the problems that arise when a game maker becomes a game spokesperson/basically cultural differences between America and Japan, i.e. “they” tend to be more humble and playful, and “we” then to be more in your face and take things way too seriously. Otherwise, and am by no means hopping on the hate train… seriously!

And once again, at the risk of losing indie cred, I will openly admit to liking Kotaku… or at least certain parts of it. Okay, I only really go there for the wacky links to stuff, like this Japanese blog featuring the gamer set-ups of wacky Xbox 360 lovin’ Otakus

… Mostly whatever Michael McWhertor stumbles across and posts, like this totally awesome Street Fighter 2 music video, as well as the head’s up on a totally amazing looking fan-made Metroid game that’s in the works. Sup Mike.

Though back to the PS3 and MGS 4, in the end, it won’t be MGS 4 that forces me to get it, just as Everyday Shooter hasn’t really been, but whatever new game from Team Ico. That shit will be fucking insane, no doubt.

Is This The House Of Tingle?

That’s not to say that I’m totally ignoring my Wii… Far from it! Though I will admit, I’m playing less and less of Smash Bros, if only because playing online with Dave is too much of a struggle since he’s just too God damn good! I have returned back to Super Mario Galaxy, and am currently trying to get all 120 stars. Also recently fired up Super Paper Mario, which if fun and all, but Jesus, is the pace ever slow as molasses. Didn’t pick up Mario Kart Wii, since I’ve never been that huge a fan of the series, which is weird considering how gay I am for Mario and racers. And I guess it was a good movie, since everyone seems to really hate the game. Too bad… Also, count me in as yet another Nintendo faithful who can’t wait for the headlines that Wii Fit has become the top selling game in the country, and the screams of all the diehard gamers, in unison and in total agony.

Another game that I passed up on…. well, if you can call it that…. is Link’s Crossbow Training, if only because of Miyamoto’s recent comments that reveal how he wanted at one point to make it all Terminator-style time travel wacky (that and how he thinks Zelda should be a FPS).

I Also Still Love My DS, The Wacky Jappy, Insert Credit, Mega Man 2, and Michael Jackson.

I’m also still totally into portable gaming, even though I don’t have to commute to Jersey everyday, meaning I have to make time around the apartment to catch up on DS and PSP softs. I’ve actually been keeping a closer eye on the import scene, such as English of the Dead, which one can actually demo online

Then there’s the recently unveiled cover for Doki Doki Majo Sinpan Duo, which is the sequel to that game in which one has to “inspect” the bodies of junior high girls, to see if they’re a witch, by poking and prodding them with the stylus…

… As you can see, there’s some x-ray action going on, and the lack of nipples makes this game even more WACKY JAPPY than before! Good job Japan! And btw, I finally picked up a copy of the first game via eBay (I just made some quick cash by selling my iPod Nano… again, I’m in total SCREW APPLE mode these days, more on this next time… so I guess wait for a review coming soon).

Next there’s Yajoukeiji Toukyou Doujitahatsu Tero Chinatsu, or Wild Detective: Tokyo Repeated Simultaneous Terrorism Suppression, according to Insert Credit, which is where I first saw mention of the game. You can check out hard hitting, crime fighting with big hair action via the video found here.

Also via the IC, for those who don’t frequent there as much as they should…

- On the DS homebrew front, not only is there a DS adaptation of a comic book, but one of Snatcher!

- If you’re into shumps, you might be interested to know that there’s a new video for Otomedius, though most people (well, Dave) finds the whole thing absolutely boring (whereas I’ll simply play anything with -dius at the end, sorry). And yes… there is yet ANOTHER Dreamcast game coming out, this one by the same folks who made Last Hope (I know), called DUX. And sorry, this one doesn’t look very hot either I’m afraid.

- Haven’t had the chance to screw around with it, but a Phoenix Wright story creator/editor was recently linked to, and which I’m sure folks will want to check out as well.

- Remember that Mega Man music/YouTube meme from a while back, the one revolving around the Dr. Wily stage 1 song from Mega Man 2? Well here’s another one, this time involving Air Man from the same game. There are countless variants, naturally, thought this particular vid has perhaps the most sight gags, pound per pound (I especially dig the Super Paper Mario parody).

The funny thing is how these kinds of things tend to morph, like this one about some guy not being able to finish hentai games, with English subtitles included!

… Meanwhile, I didn’t find this via the IC, but simply stumbled across it; some might recall those super wacky Flash cartoons that has the King of Pop vs. the entire Famicom universe, with some folks from Street Fighter mixed in. Well, I might have linked to this previously, but if so, who cares… the trilogy is now complete!

Also, be sure to check out the rest of RSF’s work, including the still amazing Sega Fantasies.

“I’M PRESSING CHARGES! I’M PRESSING CHARGES! I’M PRESSING CHARGES! I’M PRESSING CHARGES! I’M PRESSING CHARGES!”

Meanwhile, here’s just a few of the highlights from my own neck of the woods, starting with video games. Even though I’ve hit all the major ones, like WiiWare, there’s still a few topics to touch upon, such as…

- When bullshitting on one’s resume goes a little too far.

- Hey, check me out bitching about some video game girl’s tattoo, one that you never even see on screen!

- Note to self: I still need to come up with something wacky to fill those word balloons.

- And speaking of Sonic… Sonic 2 HD anyone? Anyone?

- I guess I care about Spore a little bit more now.

- According to the movie thread, Iron Man is Steve Jobs, Donnie Darko 2 is on the way, and Goku, of Dragon Ball Z fame, is a guido?

- If you’ve got some weed, and a human skull handy… why the hell not?

- The childhood rape thread is all sorts of good stuff, including numerous folks arguing whether childhood really sucks, all stemming from Ace Ventura 3.

- It’s hardly a surprise to see Scrooge McDuck on the list, but once again, Jed Clampett and Gomez Adams?

- The font game proved to be pretty popular.

- Let us not forget the perils of clubbing it up.

- His name is Bill Truong, and he is not 50 Cent, and he is destroying Flickr.

- The awesome random pictures thread has been particularly awesome as of late…

- And the random video thread has also had a number of true gems as of late, such as this ultra, insanely creepy Dutch TV host, an old clip of Bill O’Reilly losing his shit, classic music videos starring Kano and Jan Terri, plus the most awesomest crazy, gangsta girl on a train, bothering poor passengers video EVER.

- If you live in Queens, do you want the squirrels to live…. or DIE?!

- And yes, cell phones are turning us into huge babies.

- Henry Miller on New York City.

- Oh people from Brooklyn…

- And, oh NYU…

- Plus, I know this is so wrong to throw hate on, but I’m pretty sick of the city’s anti-smoking ads with the woman with all the missing fingers.

- Meanwhile, over in the Secret Chanmber, we have not only one, but two Soul Cancer threads! For better or worse.

- Hey look, Man Babies

- And over there, people who are into insect sex.

- Via the random blogs thread comes… human breast milk?

- Dear Charlie Manson…

- In case I haven’t made it clear, Iron Man was AWESOME, and most people agree… well, almost.

- Finally… hey, that’s a big pickle you got there kid!

… Meanwhile, as for what else is going on… not much really. I’m currently dealing with a very nasty cough, which is why there’s both no boxing nor podcasting this week. Hopefully my doctor’s visit tomorrow will uncover something. Perhaps if I miraculously get better by tomorrow afternoon, I can then choose between either spending tomorrow night watching Dr. Strangelove in glorious HD at movie night, or getting my first real taste of D&D with Stephen Glicker. Otherwise, I can finally hit that large stack of Iron Man books I got yesterday.

Oh, and Namco is in town tomorrow, so I might get a chance to check out Soul Calibur 4!

  • http://www.dmauro.com dmauro

    Hahaha, I failed at English of the Dead because I couldn’t decide if the sentence was supposed to be “How did you climb that tree?” or “Why did you climb that tree?”

    What’s the point of someone teaching you a language if they don’t really know it themselves?

  • Marc

    Wthether or not a reviewer should finish each game is a good question. Although the answer should conceivably vary per game (since many have dozens…and dozens!…of levels), I believe if one spends enough time truly getting to know the game, that should be enough. Plus, if it’s a challenge to venture all the way to the end, doesn’t that speak well of the product?

    I personally wanted to “finish” Kangaroo when I was younger, but it probably just gets faster and more ridiculously difficult. Maybe on the last screen you can climb a long ladder without a monkey throwing anything at you.

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