10/09/2009

Get As Much Candy As You Damn Well Please

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

In this post:
1. what?s been going on this week
2. me bitching about the subways, yet again
3. a report from Microsoft?s Open House, including plenty of hands-on impressions of games and stuff
4. my take on the current state of video game journalism
5. and some of the awesomeness you might have missed over at the forums

Man, this week went by fast! The highlights? Well…

- On Wednesday, went out to my old neck of woods in Jersey City, over to Rob and Michele’s. My primary reason was to resuscitate their computer, but despite my best efforts, I was unable to save them from the hellish fate that is dragging one’s messed up Mac to the Apple Store, or worse yet, Tekserve. But I was still treated to a wonderful dinner, and also got to indulge in the splendors of cable.

As adamant I am about not needing cable in my life, I was completely fascinated by some show about folks who are hoarders; there was this one old lady who had like a zillion cats running all over the place. The clean-up crew that was hired to remove the felines would then discover three times as many dead cats buried underneath all the rubble she keeps in her home! I’d watch a whole season of that. But yeah, all I really want is Comedy Central, Cartoon Network, Animal Planet, and I guess whatever channel that show I just mentioned was on. Plus HBO, if only for True Blood since I hear Anna Paquin is completely naked on that show all the time. Sure, everything these days can be downloaded, but easier said than done.

- Last night I finally saw Pulse, directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa, with Hilary. She has new thing going on over at her blog in which she’s watching a ton of horror flicks this month, in honor of Halloween, and then drawing a scene from it afterwards. While looking through Netflix’s instant que together, I mentioned how Kiyoshi Kurosawa is the most underrated director working in Japan today, and a real master of J-horror; most films from the genre fall flat for me, whereas Cure (which was the first movie I saw by the guy, and which made me an instant fan for life) is the one and only film that I can think of that genuinely freaked me the hell out. I recalled hearing some terrific things about Pulse, which was more than enough for Hilary.

And despite all the glowing praise from top to bottom (Midnight Eye’s review sure made it seem like yet another masterpiece from the man), we both were bored to tears. It was so bad that I was positively embarrassed for wasting Hilary’s time; in my mind, the only thing worse than recommending a restaurant for a friend that turns out to be complete crap is recommending a movie that is the same. I’ll skip the detailed analysis by simply stating that it had many of the elements that Kiyoshi is known for, but here it just didn’t click. Though re-reading all the reviews makes me wonder if it was a combination of a horrible translation, plus heavy editing for the American release, because the both of us were completely confused for the vast majority of it. Though it’s biggest failing is how Kōji Yakusho is in it for a grand total of three minutes. Lame. At least Hilary was able to muster up a decent illustration of it, all things considered.

- Speaking of horror flicks, I just learned that I’ll be taking part in the upcoming Doomsday Film Festival! To talk about, what else, video games! In this case, I’ll be talking how the apocalypse has been a major inspiration in interactive entertainment. As well as comics! Should be interesting! I should have more information very soon.

- Perhaps some might have already noticed this, but myself and Sankaku Complex are now brothers in feeds! I’m publishing their latest updates, to the right, and they’re returning the favor! It only makes sense since there’s such a natural cross over when it comes to our audiences and their interests. Actually, I’m fairly certain that most people reading this are not into all that loli-nonsense, so now’s a great time to get indoctrinated!

EDIT: Actually, experiencing some technical difficulties on that end. Oh the joys of WordPress! Should be fixed soon, I hope.

- Oh, and on Tuesday, Microsoft was back in town Tuesday for yet another Open House event. And I was there for a good deal of it, at least for the after party. Unfortunately, missed out on much of the business end of things, specifically the big round table with the head hancho of 360 affairs, Robbie Bach, thanks to the wonderful MTA. And before going any further, I just have to say…

HEADLINE: The Subways In New York City Still Suck

… I’ve tried my best to limit the amount of complaints regarding the subway around here, since I’m essentially repeating myself at this point. Though here’s something new: a plan from the mayor that calls for a dedicated iPhone app so New Yorkers can immediately pass along issues with accompanying pictures and GPS data. That sounds great and all, but I wonder how Bloomberg and his administration is going to react to the massive amount of complaints regarding the subways? I’m guessing absolutely nothing!

The billionaire mayor is up for re-election, and most feel that he’ll keep this throne with little effort. And most folks love the guy, or at least thing he’s doing a decent enough job. I tend to agree with the latter, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean I like the dude. Far from it. But why the hate? To his credit, he’s the only living, breathing elected official that truly and genuinely does not behave like every other politician (this was where I was going to pass along my two cents regarding Obama, despite also not wanting to burden this game related blog, generally speaking, with political nonsense, but I think I’ll wait till the next month, to see if dude has actually “changed” anything yet, or might actually come close to doing so). Still, Bloomberg seriously rubbed me the wrong way when, very early into his first term, in which he had his first serious showdown with the MTA, suggested to everyone in the case of a public transit shutdown to go out and get a bike. Thanks for the advice dipsh*t. But hey, when was the last time a rich guy actually went to the store and bought something himself? Even though I don’t ride bikes (once again, never learned how), I still know that they’re pretty pricey. Anyhow, douchebag, despite claims that he wouldn’t let the MTA push the city and its denizens around, almost immediately buckled, which may or may not be the reason why they’ve basically had their run of the town, without consequences.

So here we are, close to reelection time, and the mayor has some grand-spanking new plan to fix the mass transit, including the subways. To be honest, it sounds great from top to bottom, especially the parts that related to the subways and would certainly solve many of the issues that’s plaguing the system. Though there’s only one single hitch: whose to say that the MTA will listen? They haven’t before, and they have no reason to do so now. You know what got the fine folks in the Big Apple in a great mood last week, especially those that are currently unemployed, which is a LOT of them (including myself, technically). This big, stupid protest from MTA workers, demanding a ridiculous 11% increase in wages plus more benefits. Cuz, you know, getting paid $64,000 a year, before all the cushy amenities alone, to pick up garbage for them is just not enough in this day and age. Another great feeling one gets from being stuck in a train for almost an hour while going from point A to point B, a distance which should seriously be covered in maybe fifteen minutes, tops, is when the train finally and slowly roll into a station and its doors open in front of a subway bench with a gaggle of MTA construction workers, all soundly asleep at the job. Something that myself and about 30 angry commuters, in my car at least, experienced that afternoon.

Hey, quick question: want to know yet another reason why the Japanese are so vastly superior to us? Because their trains are so on the ball that they give out notices to those whose show up to late for work, for their bosses as proof that it wasn’t their fault. Was it the copious amount of porn that I watched out in the open at my last job, as a cell phone blogger at the conservative Jewish firm, that got me into so much hot water? Of course not, I was the resident “wacky” gentile, we’re all like that apparently. No, it was constantly coming in late due to the subway, no matter how early I left the door in the morning. We also need people on the platform to shove folks into the train as well.

I myself have plenty of other ideas, some of which have a far better chance of succeeding when it comes to actually fixing the subway since they’re far more doable, though some might seem completely nonsensical. Like getting rid of express trains. Not the lines themselves, some of which go to spots in Queens and Brooklyn that local Manhattan trains do not reach, but simply making every train hit every stop on their line. Why? What’s the point of an express train if they’re slower the local one? More trains on the same line ensure that things moves along at a brisk pace and perhaps finally get the message in people’s minds that there’s no need to crowd into a packed train when another is actually right behind it. Though those passenger pushers like in Japan could definitely help. Also, get rid of train conductors since they are zero help anyway, as well as getting rid of these arbitrary subway schedules that do far more harm than good. Having no time table that the general public has zero idea exists to adhere to, as well as no express trains to wait for, which is a prime reason why trains just sit there in stations, no moving, would help a lot. The key is to keep them moving, no matter what. Oh, also, make sure that folks can freely move between cars, I have no idea why started locking some trains up; nothing worse that being in a packed car with some stinky homeless guy that makes everyone want to vomit and not being able to get away. Okay, even I’m bored with this, time to move on…

There’s Daft Punk At Least

Back to Microsoft, got the chance to test drive a bunch of things. Nothing terribly exciting I suppose… meaning no Natal was to be found anywhere. Was needless to say was a major bummer. But hey, at least I got to test drive Twitter on the 360! That’s exciting, right? Anyhow, going in no particular order…

- Facebook via the 360 Dashboard: It’s more or less a stripped down version, primarily meant for communication with your pals. No searching for old friends from high schools or ex-girlfriends (or boyfriends) via a game console I’m afraid. The primary action is the ability to check out your wall and everyone’s status updates; you can leave a comment or give a thumbs up. If someone posts a picture, you can check it out as well, but no checking out of website. Not sure about videos that are embedded… forgot to ask about that one. I asked when one posts on their own wall, will there be an indicator on the web version that such and such was posted via the 360 (like whenever I say something via Tweetdeck, there’s always a little icon to show what I used to everyone else), and was told no. Which goes against what Kotaku was told. The bottom-line is that it’s still in development, with new features being added all the time, and with others being tweaked still.

You can also check out people’s photo galleries and can even leave comments as well, but no tagging. As for applications, the team is still unsure of how they’ll be handled. It’s almost a safe bet that you won’t be able to play something like, say, Mafia Wars, via the 360, but it’s still up in the air if achievements that are posted to the wall will be viewable on the 360 version. Same goes with polls and quizzes and junk like that. As for 360 games, achievements gained in the game would possibly be posted onto one’s Facebook wall, but that will entire depend on the game’s manufacturer to set things in motion. It would be nice if every time I got a new high score in Pac Man Championship Edition, all my Facebook pals would know, but it’s all up to Bandai Namco to create a patch it would seem. Same goes with features like screenshots and even videos, something that you can at least be certain that Bungie will be on-top of. Also, if someone on your Facebook has a XBL gamertag, it’ll show up. Still not clear how avatars will be full integrated.

- Last.fm via the 360 Dashboard: Time for (yet another) shocking confession… I have no idea what the hell Last.fm is supposed to be or do. Katie and plenty others have tried their best to explain it to me, and I still can’t get my head wrapped around it. But given what I know, I had even less of an idea of how it would work on the 360; so people would first have to go through the trouble of moving their music collection onto the 360 hard drive in order to then let the whole world know what they’re listening to? Actually, how it works is how it simply connects to your Last.fm account, and you’ll be fed music that should correlate to your pre-established tastes. Or, simply choose one of the stations and it’ll just do essentially the same on that end, which is guess what else you’d like. It’s mostly for having on in the background at parties, since in addition to music, you’ll also see pictures of artists and junk like that. Though one can also have Last.fm piped during whatever game you play. Simply go into the dashboard in the middle of a game, any game, and it’ll replace the default game’s soundtrack. That’s neat!

- Twitter via 360: Not a whole lot to say here. It basically behaves exactly the way Twitter does via the web interface. The key difference is the inability to post pics and URLs, but that’s about it? You can see whose mentioned you, any favorites or direct messages, and even trending topics. And when you post via the 360, it definitely shows. Guess it’s finally time to invest in a chat-pad!

- Windows 7: Moving away from video games for a sec, got a chance to check out MS’s new OS that lands in a few weeks. And… I’m a Mac guy, as most people know, but I’ve been meaning to get XP installed on my system, mostly just to play wacky Japanese dating sims and shumps, stuff like KiraKira and assorted Project Touhou titles. Though everyone has been telling me to wait till 7′s release, since it includes a XP emulator. Though when I asked for details at the last Open House, details were rather shaky. Thankfully, I was able to get the straight story this time…

Another major reason why I’ve been eyeballing 7 is for what it’s brining to the table. Specifically, something new, something fresh and exciting that just isn’t possible on OS X. Mind you, I prefer Macs, but I am by no means an Apple diehard, who uniformly give me douche-chills. Passed this along via Twitter, and here it is again: an article that fully encapsulates the OS wars better than no other that I’ve ever read previously…. be sure to check out the comments section to see how Mac users have virtually zero senses of humor. And after get a decent rundown of most of 7′s key features, I came away thoroughly unimpressed. As much as I hate to sound like another Apple zombie, virtually everything that was highlighted, and with much pride, such as the ability to move applications around in the task bar, or the ability to see a list of available wireless networks, has been possible on OS X for years now. Reduced start up and shut down time was also strongly emphasized… seriously, this is a big issue on PCs? It takes that long to start your machine up? I also hate how its supposed to look like OS X… cuz copycats always look better than the original.

But back to gaming; what about this XP Mode that comes included? First off, you have to get the absolute highest end version of 7 for the feature, and its mostly aimed at business users. That being folks who refused to upgrade to Vista due to fears that their programs that are the lifeblood of their business wouldn’t work. Basically, game players are not being addressed, though it was stressed that most major games designed for XP will perform well enough in 7. So World of Warcraft players need not worry, but what about games from Japan that was coded in 02, that most of the world doesn’t care about? But here’s the thing, most people who have told me to wait for 7 before buying XP are under the belief that XP mode will address all their concerns, and that’s clearly not the case. So XP for the win?

At least it’s capable of this… too bad it’s not right out of the box (nor completed I would assume). Also, be sure to check out the comments to see further proof why Mac users are so intolerable; God forbid anyone else besides Apple comes up with a neat idea or interesting spin on something established.

- Left 4 Dead 2: Here’s another revelation… never played the original, despite it being the multiplayer game of the year last year. First off, there’s my motion sickness issue, though Dave Mauro advised me to just skip the 360 version since the PC one is the only way to play. Well once I get XP, I’ll be getting both the first and the sequel, which was hella fun! Don’t ask me for key differences, seems like the original; you’re one of four folks, running around the end of the world, blasting away zombies and watching each other’s backs. Fun stuff! And this coming from a guy that thinks zombies are way overrated.

- DJ Hero: Everyone knows that I’m a Rock Band fanboy, top to bottom. And most might recall my feelings towards Guitar Hero… like my disgust for part 5, and its portrayal of Kurt Cobain was so strong that I essentially had to throw my copy of part 4 away. And I’m still confused by what the hell Band Hero is supposed to be. But then we have DJ Hero, which promises a different take on rhythm gaming, along with an intriguing looking controller, and hey, it also has Daft Punk! So how it it?

In the end, it’s pretty “meh”. The main problem lies with the controller. Here it is, for those who haven’t seen it…

… As one might guess, you hit the colored buttons in response to what’s on screen. Sometimes you get indications that you need to “scratch”, and the entire turntable can be moved back and forth, but it’s really awkward; it’s just feels uncomfortable to scratch and hold a button at the same time. Perhaps if one didn’t have to keep their fingers over the buttons and scratch however might work, but even that has a host of problems, since you also have to be mindful of a slider (sorry for not knowing the actual term, I’m no DJ after-all) that is controlled with the other hand, so then it might be too many things going in different directions all at once. Though the biggest issue is the lack of freedom; if you don’t follow the directions on screen, your song is messed up, period. That makes sense for Guitar Hero or Rock Band in which you’re supposed to follow along a clearly established song and all its notes, but I thought the whole point of being a DJ was to do whatever you want? Sure there’s rules to be followed, but isn’t it all about variations?

The most important thing to note however is how EVERYONE who played the game felt uncomfortable doing so in-front of other folks. Whereas in GH and RB, it’s the social aspect that truly drives the experience home, and watching someone play DJ Hero is completely boredom. So yeah… I actually wanted to like it, but in the end… I wonder how that other dj game is faring?

… Alright, time for pictures! Actually, from this point forward, every post has to have pictures. The reasons… are not important right now. Anyway, here’s some shots from the cocktail party from that evening; the Open House took place in an armory, and unlike the debacle that was MoCCA, at least it was nice and air-conditioned. A few shots from above, via the “birdhouse”…

… Not pictured in the birdhouse were these women dressed as birds that you would send Twitters to and who would then sing your message. I was a bit annoyed that they weren’t doing their thing but instead getting drunk. Speaking of, I brought Dave and Joe with me, who both got pretty plastered, as did I…

… We spent much of the evening just chit-chatting (or in some cases, flat out annoying) assorted PR folks, plus test-driving assorted gadgets. Here’s the Zune HD for example…

… It’s kinda neat, I guess. At the very least, the interface is ultra hawt. It’s neat how, whenever an artist’s song is playing, if that person is in the system, their bio pops up like Beck here, along with pictures and stuff like that. Though if your favorite artist is not in their databanks, then no dice. I’m pretty sure they don’t have a profile for Takenobu Mitsuyoshi. As for the HD part, it can play HD quality video… if you hook it up to a television, via an adapter. But even then, it’s still only 720p (like I can talk, I’m still rocking 480 at home). There are a few games for it, but it’s hardly anything on the level of an iPhone/iPod Touch… hell, even a regular iPod. And too bad it’s not Mac compatible, which is pretty silly.

Speaking of music, DJ Tiesto was on-hand, spinning records…

… the expected DJ Tiesto playing DJ Hero photo opp never happened, believe it or not. And here we are, at the end of the night, and Dave once again finds himself sh*t-faced and playing Beatles Rock Band, just like the last Open House!

… Now, I sorta hate doing this, since I generally find it so tacky, but here’s the loot I was able to walk away with that night. Which still blows my mind…

… Yup, that’s a high end smartphone, the first to feature the new Windows Mobile 6.5 (been interested in getting back to cell phone coverage, though on my own end, and now might be a good time to start… though the Nokia N900 is the only thing out there that’s making me drool at the moment… though I might be back with a review to see how the HTC Pure stacks up to my much maligned iPhone), along with a Zune HD, a fairly spiffy webcam that impressed the guys that evening, two copies of Halo 3 ODST (didn’t ask why, I just accepted what I was offered), a bunch of MS points (which will be almost entirely wiped out, next time I hope onto Rock Band 2), and a year’s subscription to XBL Gold (which is for Katie, whose membership lapses soon I believe). Definitely one of the fringe benefits of being a game journalist, though I kinda hate showing such stuff, cuz it feels like I’m rubbing into people’s faces.

But speaking off…

It’s Hard Being A Video Game Journalist. Actually, No, It’s Not.

As noted several times in the past, the business of writing games is becoming increasingly difficult. It’s getting harder and harder for me to be able to pay rent on the strength of my writing alone, but at least it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one struggling; Scott Jones from Crispy Gamer recently wrote about how difficult and barren the field has become, as many have decided to pack their bags and change careers. Something that I myself am trying to do, though considering how bleak the economic landscape is across the board (gee, a news flash, I know), that too is also proving to be… practically impossible at the moment. Anyhow, the article hits upon a number of great points, and has been re-tweeted (God I hate that term) by virtually every game journo under the sun. Though that’s basically where my eyes start to roll. I know many have taken great offense to many of the comments that have been left in the piece, in which clearly unsympathetic folks have basically responded with “wah, wah, whatever.” And as annoying it might be to admit, a lot of them have a valid point.

Here’s been my primary beef with many game journalists, since practically day one: they take themselves WAY too seriously. While I always appreciate those who are serious about their jobs, people who believe that they’re just as important as the things that they cover is when problems arise. Because they’re not, plain and simple. There are numerous reasons why such a train of thought exists, but I’ve been able to boil it down to two primary factors. First is how it’s just another element of New Game Journalism, a term that’s been around for some time now and which was celebrated upon its arrival, but elicits mostly groans from pretty much everyone these days, though it’s definitely left a mark across the spectrum for better or worse. The philosophy involves presenting the player… in most cases, the author of whatever article…. front and center, as a vital component of the game that is being highlighted or examined in the first place. This actually sounds quite logical, since game playing is very much a personal experience, but such a mindset invariably makes the average game writer’s head even bigger. While a journalist’s role is extremely vital in the grand scheme of things, there also exists this attitude that it’s the reporters and reviewers who ultimately decide the fate of a game, which needless to say is absolutely asinine.

Granted, that second example of narcissism is not entirely unique; your average Rolling Stone/Pitchfork music review similarly exhibits a holier than thou attitude, since they too are intensely bitter and jealous that they themselves are not creating but simply commenting. Adding to the ego trip is the fundamental fact that their opinions are indeed greatly valued, to varying degrees; nothing is worse that a writer who is drunk with power from all the attention they get, not just from their readers, whom they love to remind time and time and again of how cool they are and how everyone wishes that they had their lifestyle, but PR folks who represent the games that are being written about and who must for all intents and purposes either kiss the asses of said writers or act like babysitters. It’s perhaps not a shock to hear how cringe-worthy it is when you’re at some press event and some writer flies off the handle because they aren’t being catered to the level that they feel is appropriate.

And some of the frustration can be somewhat understood, since those who are treated like kings clearly love the hands they’ve been dealt (lord know I get treated like a fourth stringer at many press events I’ve attended, though I’m more than used to it by now), despite the fact that they’re no better than every other video game scribe out there. Which all leads me to my main point; video game journalists think they have such a hard job, and seriously, it is not. It’s not brain surgery, you’re not curing cancer, no helping the world, it’s writing about VIDEO GAMES for Pete’s sake. Nor is it rocket science; the fact that so many 14 year old bloggers with zero training are so easily replacing them should be a clue right there.

It’s honestly not that difficult when you get down to it, and many of us who got our gigs did so with the luck of draw, myself included. On a related note, nothing pisses me off when I tell someone that I’m thinking about getting into the wild world of video game PR, and am met with two reactions. First is “have fun selling your soul to the devil!” My basic response is f*ck you and the Kool Aide your drinking. Second response, which annoys me the most is “it’s a lot of hard work.” Perhaps, to your average game writer, who no offense to my brethren, often have a very skewed view on the world at large. Instead of going down the list of extremely less than glamorous jobs that I’ve held, perhaps I should simply state that I was homeless for a while. So I know firsthand how hard hard can be.

Back to the article itself; as valid as it might be, there’s a few things missing or ignored. The reasons stated as to why jobs are scare are certainly valid, but I honestly don’t feel it’s that clean cut and dry. Sure there’s no money going around and print is dead, no one is buying magazines anymore, blah, blah, blah, but we have to step back and examine why the latter is the case. Sorry, you just can’t blame it on the internet entirely. Much of what has been written… hate to say this… hasn’t been very good. Actually, the quality itself is nothing horrible, just not very interesting. As the world as a whole has changed, video game journalism as a whole has not kept up the pace, and while there are many valid reasons why it’s been almost impossible to expand the horizons, due to the supply chain of information for one (and it’s a BIG reason, make no mistake), I haven’t even seen any decent stabs at it (other than the aforementioned NGJ, which again has had mixed results at best). Plus, none of the struggles justifies all the attitude problems I just detailed.

But now we’re getting to the real issue at hand, and this is where I come off as an especially whiny bitch: what’s hurting the industry the most is how opportunities are increasingly diminishing, yet it’s the same people getting hired, over and over and over and over again. Everyday I have to struggle with a glass ceiling because the same basic twenty or so people keep floating around from website to magazine. And these folks aren’t vastly under-qualified or anything like that, otherwise they wouldn’t be getting continuously hired. Okay, that’s not necessarily true, since much of it is rooted in who knows who, friends of friends, stuff like that; again, this is just how the world rolls, its not just in video game journalism. Some do “well enough” and might keep things afloat for a while, due to circumstance (like whatever magazine or site already getting a decent number of hits thanks to their brand or business ties), till its time to move on, and they’ll get instantly hired because they were part of such and such for a while, where they never did anything truly offensive, plus were simply a victim of another set of circumstance.

As horrible as it sounds, it might take for things to finally bottom out completely before things get better. Like I said, writing about video games is not hard work relatively speaking, but it should be. And it might only get their once some new blood is finally added to the talent pool, but that might not ever happen if the old guard continues to lead the stagnant old ways.

High On Candy Crack

Well, since it’s been a while, how about a look at what’s going on at the fort90forums? But because it’s been so long since I last highlighted notable topics, there’s just way too much to go through at this point. So I’ll simply state that anyone wanting to join in on or simply check out discussions relating to why Family Guy sucks, but Nigh Court still rocks, why the Bad Lieutenant remake from Werner Herzog might not be the worst thing in the world after-all, how an invisible Chinese man could be considered art, how robots are sh*tty kissers, what one can do for one’s pets when the Rapture comes, what happens with fashion photographers become all religious, all sorts of cute crap that makes Katie squeal with delight, where one can actually find arcades in the NYC area, why a street fight between a taxi cabbie and a pedi cabbie demonstrates why NYC is the best city on earth, plus plenty of examples of “LOL, Brooklyn” along with “LOL, internet” and so much more, you all know where to hit the join button.

Instead, time for what everyone likes the most, that being the treasures unearthed via the random pictures and random videos threads! First, still images…

… That last one is from the sweet rides thread, btw. Oh, and here’s just a small taste of the new sh*t-tastic comics thread…

… And I really can?t post any of it here, but there’s a NSFW thread that features, among other things, an uncomfortably long comic about a naked woman being fed to a gigantic frog, another one featuring two women having sex with a dolphin, and some truly HILARIOUS Ariel the Little Mermaid porn. And let’s not forget the creepiness that is the “LOL, Japan!” thread! See what you’re missing out on?

Next, moving onto moving pictures…

- Anyone familiar with Nigerian cinema, aka Nollywood? End of Money is pretty much the best possible way to get familiar!

- How steal candy from a vending machine.

- Screw the Theremin, it’s all about the Beamz!

- As hilarious as PSA are in America, New Zealand has taken it to another level.

- The future of the past is just so much cooler than the future of the now.

- It’s moms… on the net!

- A kid trying to answer trivia questions on a roller coaster.

- Want to make an easy million dollars? Contact the inventor of this.

- It’s amazing what’s considered a sport in some countries.

- To dream the impossible dream: 40 pizza rolls in two minutes.

- God bless local news reporting, wherever it might be.

- And God bless the internet while you’re at it.

- F*CK YOU BALTIMORE!

- It’s kinda hard to explain, but watching a bunch of bored goth kids dancing all over the place instills me with so much joy that I can’t even properly describe it.

- A young man in love.

- Grandma: the remix.

- Why can’t Insane Clown Posse and Slipknot fans just get along?

- Look out kids, it could be a trap!

- Easily one of the most creepiest trailers ever.

- Everyone knows that the Macho Man Randy Savage came out with a rap album a while ago?

- I’d watch hockey if the whole thing was like this.

- Over twenty years later and I wonder if these guys have managed to get some?

- I personally found this video of a bear cub scared out of its wits hilarious, but quite a few found it offensive. Oh well, you know, white people.

- The Red Ranger clearly needs a new gig.

- This precisely why people with computers, especially those with laptops, need to back their stuff up.

- And finally, something short and sweet and to the point!

  • phooky

    The “We can’t do anything” is a screen cap from Sedmikr?sky (1966), one of the most awesomely insane movies ever. Which is mystifying, because the entire movie is 180-proof fucking crazy, and mostly looks like this:

    http://ferdyonfilms.com/Daisies%20cut.jpg

    It’s like they found the only boring frame in the whole flick.

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