FORT90 forum

Posted already in the random game vids thread, but honestly deserves its own topic after last night...

http://www.heavy.com/post/mat-dickie-the-greatest-game-designer-you-have-never-heard-of-3785

... myself, dmauro, isfet, and pilot played this and according to Joe, it was seriously the worst thing ever, whereas according to Dave, it was seriously the best thing ever. Both are correct.

Glad you started this and saved me the trouble. I took some screencaps chronicalling the life and times of Judas Priest, disciple/enemy of Jesus Christ (?).


At first Judas Priest was a little confused by John the Baptist's cryptic speech. He began his path to true knowledge by giving a random stranger a banana who was quite happy to receive the gift.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/two.png)


Someone got smart with him on the bridge, and Judas Priest was not afraid to cause a little ruckus with the knife that he found on the ground.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/three.png)

But violence begets violence...

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/four.png)

So they chopped off Judas Priest's hand.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/five.png)

After this he stumbled around with next to no life getting yelled at by guards to get off the ground and then quickly getting beat back to the ground as soon as he stood up. There was a fish on the ground that looked like it would be enough to help him recover, but try as he might, Judas Priest just could not pick that fish up with his stump arm.

Judas Priest began going around town begging strangers for help, but they didn't seem to understand him.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/six.png)

Things were not going well for Judas Priest.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/seven.png)

And that's when Judas Priest found out that he could hug people.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/nine.png)

It's so easy to hug everyone! You just walk towards them and they can't say no. They might hit you a bit afterwards, but I'm sure that guy from the bridge that he stabbed would have said to simply "turn the other cheek."

Judas Priest embraced his poverty, and even when someone offered him some money he declined.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/ten.png)

Which led to him getting beat up again.

But nothing could keep Judas Priest's spirits down, he was on a hugging mission.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/eleven.png)

Then he met up with that guy he nearly stabbed to death on the bridge. This man saw a lot of promise in Judas Priest.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/twelve.png)

Judas Priest learned he could use the force to sit in a different position and make a skill tree window pop up, but couldn't do anything with it.

Judas Priest was quite the promising disciple, but then he wanted to see what would happen if he jumped into a well. His experiment was a success: he was completely stuck in the well and a soldier who didn't like the look of him followed him in and put him out of his misery after about ten minutes of hugging.

The end.

There's a new disciple in town. He's a 1' tall guard named Godjob. Things are getting interesting with him:

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/godjob1.jpg)





(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/godjob2.jpg)

OH SHI---------

Godjob of course replied that he didn't have time for a family because he was on a spiritual path and the kid, David, immediately punched the sword out of his hand, took it and attacked him. In the middle of this fight the mother started her story over again and Godjob was again introduced to the son that was attacking him.

After fighting with these guys for a bit and getting stuck in that conversation about 20 times or so, Godjob tried to meditate in the ocean because they didn't chase him out there, but he ended up drowning. And so ends his story.

Oh god, loving these posts so much..

dave, how and why are you doing this to yourself?

if it's for our entertainment, it's ok man!  you're going to hurt yourself

i dunno i'm feeling pretty entertained by this so i say press on good sir dave, press on.

Joe, I love this game. It's the only video game I've been playing since introduced. Not even joking. It's like GTA: Jesus.

Meet Mrs. Jesus:

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/mrsjesus1.jpg)

Her story is unraveling as you read this!

edit: Spousal abuse is not a laughing matter.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/mrsjesus2.jpg)

Mrs. Jesus' first kill was the best. She took him under the bridge and stabbed him to death with a knife. When she finished the deed, a man came along and drank of the soldiers blood.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/mrsjesus4.jpg)

She thought she would be satisfied having rid the River Jordan of that scum, but when she saw a one-legged guard in a nearby town, she couldn't help herself.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/mrsjesus5.jpg)

It felt too good not to kill him.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/mrsjesus6.jpg)

It was the start of a serial murder revolt. She was happy to have dispatched several more soldiers to hell before the law finally caught up with her. They pinned her up and for good measure did the same to her husband. Those chauvinistic pigs probably considered him just as culpable for not keeping his woman in line.

(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a160/davidlory/mrsjesus7.jpg)

The inscription is short for: Mrs. Jesus of Nazareth, Queen of the Insurrection.

So I recently updated Bootcamp, which is the software that allows XP to run on a Mac, and it fixed a few long-standing issues (like that weird graphical glitch I described in the Windows thread)! So I believe I'm good to go when it comes to Windows gaming at long last (though I'm still having issues with Joy2Key, which I guess I should ask about in another elsewhere), and my first real test was running The You Testament, which I can finally play at home!

Though I didn't know how to take screenshots till after my initial playthrough, so I have my visual documentation of the 10 minute beatdown I gave Jesus last night, nor Katie's 40 minute (no exaggeration) one-sided fight. Next time, with a travel log of my own (though your adventures Dave have seriously been the highlights all last week).

And like you said, there is nothing more awesome than hearing the Son of God tell you that if you touch him again, he will kill you.

How are you taking screenshots? You don't need joytokey for this game, you can just change the controller configuration in the menu.

I've been using the keyboard for the game, since like I said, been having issues with Joy2Key, but doesn't really matter here, since it's not an arcade/console-like experience.

As for screenshots, haven't taken any, but the instructions say F12. They all get stored somewhere in a folder I'm assuming?

I didn't realize the game could take screencaps, I was pressing print screen an pasting into Photoshop, but F12 would be much easier. Try using a controller, it's much more comfortable.

Since I'm not a PC person... if I hit print screen (and I don't even know which button on my Mac keyboard is that one) once to capture and image, and then a second time, doesn't it replace the first? Are you constantly going into Photoshop during each session?

on an xp setup, yeah.

Yeah, that's what I was doing, alt-tabbing to Photoshop, so it's nice to hear that it supports screenshots with f12.

Man, that's nuts, considering there's no real way to pause the action, right? And we both know that if you're not careful, some guy (or gal) out of nowhere can start just kicking you.

The P key pauses the game.