11/16/2004

Do Not Trust President Nick Nolte

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

- On friday night, MK and I finally watched K. Thor Jensen‘s Evil Video Volume 2. Nothing beats a good old fashioned mix videotape (on DVD) and this one was chock full of backyard wrestling, clips for old anti-drug & masturbation film strips, shitty 80′s ninja fights, and homeless people hurting themselves for some cheap laughs (and booze, or course). Unfortunately, my PS2 wouldn’t play the watch the whole thing (the DVD drivers on the thing is an oversensitive piece of shit) so I guess I’ll have to copy it to different media (Apple own DVD-R discs are bar-none the best, but expensive as hell).

The DVD got me thinking about TV Carnage, which I had heard about from a while ago but never bothered to investigate. But upon further inspection, it just doesn’t seem to hold much promise in the area of wacky Japanese variety show clips and footage of people getting hurt. And they’re way too expensive for seemingly water-downed versions of stuff that folks like Thor, Joe, and myself have been doing for years now.

Plus, watching Thor’s video reminded me that I really need to convert my stuff to DVD. I think people are simply tired of me talking about Iranian Alf and just want to see it. Plus, I need to convert Taste of Bread, the film that Dave and I did a whiles back. Every time I show it (like I did for MK earlier in the week) I’m afraid the tape is going to snap.

So I guess it was appropriate that to end the television viewing portion of the evening, I introduced MK to Concrete TV. Among the reasons why I choose to stay in NYC, Concrete has to be on the very top of the list. There’s nothing more soothing that watching clip after clip after clip of cars exploding and people screwing. Though I still miss Madam Chao’s

- But before that, and also on Manhattan cable access, was a clip of a Moog Cookbook performance in Japan. Actually, I had seen the clips years before, but had no idea who the hell they were. But thanks to MK’s vast knowledge of music, I was able to purchase their CD from Amazon; I have a real thing for their rendition of Black Hole Sun… it’s almost as good as Cibo Matto’s.

- MK also introduced me to Eugene Mirman dot com. His video from the future and the anti-pot one are easily the best.

- The next morning, I got a call from Robin who was game shopping and came across a Genesis CDX (a portable Genesis and Sega CD combo) for just $40. Since he knows how much a gaming fetishist I am, he offered to pick it up for me if I was interested, and indeed I was. But I also asked Robin to make sure it worked as well, and he did, and it didn’t. But I really have to give Robin credit for letting me on a major possible coup like that (hey it takes one diehard gaming nerd to know another I guess), though I really wish it would have worked. The CDX was the Sega Holy Grail back in the day, and to finally get one would be a fulfillment of destiny of sorts. Though its funny how even ten plus years later, there’s only five legitimately good games for the system (Sonic CD, Silpheed, Snatcher, Popful Mail, and Shining Force CD).

- Later that night, MK & I, along Dave & Raina, had dinner with Michele (who’s Dave’s sister) & Rob in their neck of the woods, Jersey City (which I actually used to live at as well). Afterwards we all watched the original Dawn of the Dead, which was the first time for a few in attendance. I saw it years ago of course; when I was a little kid, my parents would rent any horror flick they could get their hands on each and every Friday night, and they had no qualms about me joining them. So while most kids were enjoying classics like Re-Animator among friends in their early teens, much to their folks’ chagrin, I had already seen it when I was six, along with classics like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, God Made Me Do It, and others. Maybe that makes sense why I saw (and understood) Clockwork Orange when I was eight.

Anyway, it’s a great flick, due in large part to it’s cast of zombies, like the little league zombie, nun zombie, and of course, the hari krishna zombie. But it got me thinking about possible “what if” scenarios with Rob, such as “What if a paraplegic was made into a zombie. Would he be able to walk? After all, zombies have super strength.” or “What if a drug users was made into a zombie. Would he crave human flesh and heroin?” There were loads others (much funnier ones as well) but I sorta forgot them all.

- We got home in time to catch SNL. Of course it sucked, what else is new? But I think they really dropped the ball with this week’s edition, the first new one since the election. You know, there used to be a point where SNL could be relied upon with some good political bite, or at least an attempt at it (clumsy or unfunny as it might be). But instead, all we got was some throw away sketch to open the show and that’s it. Seriously, what a disappointment.

I also love how Weekend Update at this point is like half the show. Though I don’t know why it just occurred to me: if I was a primary reason for the show being so bad (like being the head writer), I guessing I’d probably try to put myself in the show as much as possible while I still had a chance for some face time like Tina Fey seems to be doing.

Much later in the evening was a classic SNL, like NBC always plays 3 in the morning. It was the one where Eddie Murphy guest hosted, who was actually filling in for Nick Nolte since he was too sick to host (at the time, Murphy was still a cast member), but they were both in the same movie (48 Hours) so it still made perfect sense. 22 years later and it still held up as a damn fine, and still very watchable (at least for me) episode. It just goes to show the disparaging difference in the quality of the show in past few decades. And no this isn’t nostalgia talking, the show simply used to have a timeless quality, both in terms of the material and the performers, which was actually present up until a few years ago. Anyone who says they wouldn’t mind watching what we have today in repeat form in ten years time cannot be serious.

- But before that, MK & I got a late, late snake at Tom’s Restaurant, which happens to be that place that you see Jerry & company eat on Seinfeld (at least the exterior). They have without a doubt the greatest milkshake in all of New York; its good enough for me to want it, despite the frigid walk to the place. Plus their menu is pure genius: most diners have just a hamburger, which is just the sandwich plain, and for a few dollars more the hamburger deluxe, which is the sandwich plus lettuce and tomato with some fries. But what if you don’t want the lettuce and tomato? You end up paying for something you don’t want. But at Tom’s Resturant, they have the hamburger special where it’s just fries, no toppings, and is priced accordingly right in the middle. Once again, genius!

Unfortunately they attract dumb, drunken white bread Columbia students, and we got there at the peak time for their obnoxious antics. Every guy had a retarded nickname like “Gootch” or “Sully” or something equally stereotypical. They were also totally acting gay-ed out, giving each other “soulful” hand-slaps and salutations. Meanwhile, right next to the really annoying table (which happened to be behind us, or course) was a trio of blacks who, besides being quiet of course, looked positively mortified by the spectacle of it all. As for the opposite gender, every girl was a “Jen” or a “Tiffany” and seemed totally sloshed, as well as acting loud and loose. You could swear that most had just given their guy friend a blowjob and was set to go another round with his best friend.

The night ended super late with a viewing of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, which MK had never seen (amazing, huh?) though we only got through the first quarter or so. I swear, that fight between Pee Wee and Francis at the tub and his dad reacting to the trick gum never gets old.

- The next day I tried getting back to work, but I was too distracted by…

… a new video featuring the DS, with much of it dedicated to showing off the oh-so cute Puppy Times (hey Mac users, you’ll need to get MPlayer or VLC to see it, which all of you should have anyway).

… and another DS vid from Japan, which apparently is old (shows how behind I’ve been on things). Actually, it’s mostly stuff from that another video I mentioned a whiles back, but this time there’s just more of it. I like the new look of Pac Pix. Plus, notice how Metroid Prime hunters, the game being pushed the most here, is buried all the way at the back of the clip.

… a commercial featuring a transforming car. Not a big fan of the dancing (leave that to Soundwave, okay folks?) but the animation and the robot’s design is pretty top notch.

… even more commercials, this time for McDonald’s in Japan.

… hey, remember the boyfriend’s arm pillow? Well for the guys out there, here’s a girlfriend’s lap pillow.

… a bunch of hackers who have managed to hack Dead or Alive Ultimate and make all the female characters naked. Granted, it isn’t exactly new… folks have been doing this since Dead or Alive 2 on the PS2 years ago, but this was the first time I actually went to the source and read what these people have to say to each other. And it’s actually more frightening than the pictures themselves.

… boys & girls, the Resident Evil 4 chainsaw controller. I like it better than the Onimusha 3 katana controller.

- Right now, it’s 3 in the morning, very late Monday night/very early Tuesday afternoon. I didn’t go to work cuz I’m not feeling so hot. I should be sleeping, but I can’t due to an annoying cough. Plus I really need a haircut.

  • http://the-inbetween.com nowak

    Holy hell, what the fuck is wrong with those DoA people?

  • http://untitled13.blogspot.com Jake

    AHhahaha… crazy DOA mods. Today is a great week in gaming. Metroid Prime 2, Baten Kaitos, and Metal Gear Solid 3 are all out as of tomorrow, not to mention the DS being released on the 21st. Damn, time to work some overtime for extra game money.

  • David Goldstein

    1. I think the car transformation in the clip may actually match one of the toys. Been a while, and it wasn’t one the toys I had, but the sequence of changes looked familiar.

    2. Hasbro’s parent company in Japan has released pocket-sized versions of the classic transformers.

    -David

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