08/22/2012

It Honestly Is A Lot Like Portlandia

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Greetings, once again, from the Pacific Northwest. It’s that time of the year, in which I take a somewhat necessary break from NYC. Because the weather flat out sucks in August, plus the Big Apple in general? I dunno? gets kinda weird right around now? It?s hard to explain.

So like every summer, I’m revisiting old stomping grounds (be sure to follow me on Twitter to keep abreast of all the “wacky” stuff my dad says) and biding my time before PAX Prime (though in this case, I’m also gearing up for Fangamer VERSUS Attract Mode).

Oh, and I hope to finally see an old high school buddy that I haven’t seen in ages, that another pal has managed to track down (who, as we discovered, now teaches the Jedi method of classical guitar) and am also preparing for a new job that I’ll be starting just as I get back (and which will be my latest excuse as to why I won’t have FORT90ZINE4ANSWER ready for yet another major show? big shocker, I know).

Anyhow, my trip this year was a little different: instead of directly landing in Seattle/Tacoma, I made my very first visit to Portland, Oregon! Spent last weekend with Gerritt and Jen, plus their latest edition to the family, Atticus. Took plenty of pictures, naturally; here we have Instagram shots from during my flight, of the very best part. Which is the pages of Sky Mall, naturally?

Ah. trees, roots. I get it now?

Sorta want one, and just cuz I’m a diehard fan of Gradius! Okay, maybe a little?

It’s like 2001, but for cats?

Enter a state of euphoria?

Yet another brilliant way to torture your dog. Also, they seriously couldn’t find a wiener dog for this pic? Would have made more sense?

But seriously, sh*t like this makes me so proud to be an American?

Eventually made it to Portland. Believe it or not, this was my very first time there, despite growing up north, not too far away. It’s funny, but Washington had a rivalry going on with Oregon back in the day, which was essentially the Hatfields vs. the McCoy’s. Was told that they were the enemy and assumed as such.

I believe such tensions are all in the past, but my opinion of the place didn’t improve once it became the new home for douchey Brooklynites (though I was certainly happy to see them leave). Who have since all left, once the government assistance ran out, I believe (they all migrated south, to Austin, or so I’ve also been told).

Those who stayed were able to successfully create a home for themselves and contribute to the local economy. And it’s these people, the ones I know to be precise, who have been encouraging me to stop by, especially once it was discovered that I’m somewhat open to the idea of moving out of NYC. The jury is still out as it pertains to Portland being my new home, but I dug what I saw for the most part.

Didn’t do as much socializing as I had expected. The 2 Player guys were out of town, and was never able to sync up with Farel, sadly. Stayed close to where Gerritt and Jen lives; their newborn son necessitated being close to home for the most part. Ended up watching a surprising amount of anime, specifically Girls Bravo! Also got to hang with their dogs. They were pretty chill?

I did get a tour of the city though. Here I am in this big rose garden that’s a popular attraction (be sure to check out Jen’s Instragram feed for a pic of myself and Gerritt bro-ing it up, cuz I sure as hell am not linking it here)?

The city sure loves its bridges?

As well as food carts?

Speaking of food, here is snapshot taken of the breakfast place we were going to eat at, till it became clear that we?d have to wait an hour to be seated, and another hour to actually eat. Guess their cinnamon french toast will have to wait till next time?

The one thing I love to do when visiting another city is to check out the local news?

I also love finding out whatever place’s perception of where I’m from?

Another stop was Powell’s Books; Gerritt and Jen noted their insanely large collection of ultra rarities, so to test this claim, I went hunting for two books I’ve spent years hunting. And they had them both!

? That copy of Who Censored Roger Rabbit is a first edition hardback, btw. Was also taken to a comic shop, where I bought these zines that dissect the aliens from Star Trek: Next Generation, but from an 8 year old’s point of view. Will have pics later.

But again, mostly stuck to where they were staying. And for good reason; it was nice and weird. Near their house was Share-It Square, which lived up to its name?

Across the street, one could even make a cup of tea. On a random, suburban street corner?

Nearby, on the main drag, was an antique shop that had some cool stuff. Like this thermos that I now regret not picking up?

They had a nice assortment of reads?

Including comics (or comix)?

Though their definition of antiques was somewhat loose?

Though the highlight was the creep as hell (and also quite sad) puppet museum down the corner?

Neither Gerritt nor Jen had managed to build up the courage to venture forth. But you know me; adventure (and the chance to have something to blog about) is the name of my game?

Did I mention how creepy and sad it all was?

Not that I’m some discerning connoisseur of puppetry, but I’m a big enough fan of Jim Henson Hour to say that I’ve seen far better.

But even better than all that was having my love life analyzed and predicted by a girl who uses plastic dinosaurs. One night, at a food truck lot, and while on my way to order some crepes, I saw the following and knew I had to give it a shot?

Was instructed to pick four dinos: one to represent who I am generally speaking, another to represent who I believe I am when it comes to love, and two others to represent anyone I might be thinking of.

The resulting analysis was cute, though exactly what I was expecting, based upon the choices I made. Naturally the triceratops represents who I am; a tough, defensive exterior that guards a very vulnerable individual, but one that’s well grounded. And of course the pterodactyl represents my single self, flying around, scoping out a potential mate.

And yes, it’s probably best I avoid the girl I had in mind when picking out the t-rex, cuz she’s a real man eater, and also be patient with the one I had in mind when choosing a stegosaurus, cuz she’ll eventually lower her defenses. The medium was also amused by me admitting that I used to be a telephone psychic back in the day?

? If you want to know more, there’s the Dino Tarot homepage. But yeah, Portland certainly is filled with a colorful cast of wacky characters. It’s honestly a lot like the show Portlandia. Yet the thing is, all the eccentricities are totally sincere, and not contrived, like the hipster d-bags you’ll find in NYC.

Oh, also, much like Toronto, the girls in Toronto are totes cute. That’s another huge bonus for the city!

Well, that was the weekend. Do I have any pics from my time thus far, back where I grew up? Yes. And never before had a novelty tee so perfectly summed up this place?

This might be the last update from me, on this end at least; I have at least one more pending on the Attract Mode blog (hopefully you’ve all checked out my posts on Super Street Fire and Japanese chiptunes by now). My plan to do my long overdue image dump will have to wait.

But here’s a taste, via some dude name Flip on Tumblr?

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