07/02/2012

NYAFF 2012: “Vulgaria” & “Boxer’s Omen”

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Time for another does of New York Asian Film Festival 2012 coverage! First up we have this year’s Opening Night Film?

Vulgaria

In addition to being this year’s official opening night offering, Vulgaria is part of NYAFF12′s “Return of the King: Hong Kong Movies 15 Years After the Handover” series, and the perfect poster child for such a sentiment. The best thing is how it’s essentially HK’s take on Living in Oblivion, by detailing the awkward and difficult road that is independent, low-budget filmmaking. Yet Vulgaria oozes with so much confidence and panache, exuberance and style, that it’s impossible to believe that the entire thing was shot in just 12 days and how everyone was literally making things up as they went along, all with an absolutely nothing budget. Forget Hollywood; even the most competent of indie directors in America would be hard pressed to pull something half as well put together out of their asses.

Things kick off with a third rate/no name producer, Wai Cheung To, addressing an auditorium filled with film students. When he tells his audience that they must be willing to make sacrifices to create movies, and is sarcastically asked by someone if he’s ever followed his own advice, we soon hear about the time he had dinner with Brother Tyrannosaur, a mainland Chinese gangster that could potentially finance future projects. In order to seal the deal, To is forced to eat the most bizarre of delicacies (like “cow’s bliss” aka cow vagina). Failing that, he is then forced to have sex with a mule. That he does successfully, so as a reward, the gangster grants the producer the money he desperately desires. But it’s for the movie Brother Tyrannosaur wants: a sequel to a beloved porno from his youth. Note: this means a relatively older skin flick… we’re talking decades old.

Eventually we meet the other characters: To’s stone cold-hearted ex wife, to whom he owes a ton of back alimony, their young daughter, the sole positive influence in his life who risks following in her dad’s less than illustrious footsteps, To’s director, who runs an illegal gambling operation aimed at mothers on the side, To’s mainland Chinese secretary that’s fresh off the boat, who therefore mistakes her boss getting pissed at her for doing a sh*tty job as sexual harassment, the star of that aforementioned porno in her 60s these days, who justifiably feels that someone her age in an adult movie is insane (but not to Brother Tyrannosaur, whose footing the bill), To’s lead male actor, a Japanese dude who has a wacky idea to patent a form of masturbation (which I won’t go into details, but it’s hardly a breakthrough), and Popping Candy, To’s girlfriend plus body double for the aged porn star (thanks to the miracle of green screen technology, Popping Candy wears a mask so the star’s head is literally in the place of hers). She also wants to use the money she’ll be earning to develop a Wii game about handjobs, she fills her mouth full of Pop Rocks before giving blowjobs (hence the nickname).

Sorry, plot details are a bit hazy; everything just happened at such a rapid fire pace. There’s definitely a narrative throughout, but most of the action is conveyed in various vignettes that are strung together. Given the highly improvised nature of the production, it’s hardly a shocker, and the high-strung energy is used to great effect. To be honest, not every joke worked for me, but not every joke was intended for me either. It’s filled to the brim with references of all manner; only the most savvy of Hong Kong cinephiles will get every single one (alas, I will admit that I’m pretty rusty in that area). Still, it’s an awesome sign of things to come from the HK film scene, which has indeed somewhat lost its way in recent years. Unfortunately there was only screening of Vulgaria (if I had early access to the movie, I surely would have given everyone a heads up beforehand), but it will hopefully be released on home video here very soon.

Boxer’s Omen

Jesus Christ, where to begin. Boxer’s Omen, aka the Shaw Brothers’ foray into the 80s, black magic, and xenophobia, can be best described as the perfect mix of Kickboxer, Manos The Hands of Fate, The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Evil Dead, Altered States, Cannibal Holocaust, and the all-time NYAFF midnight classic, Hausu. Those who have seen it already are all in agreement that it’s one of the absolutely most disgusting movies ever made, and I am hard pressed to argue with consensus.

Plot goes something like this: Chan Hung has a brother who get brutalized by a no good for nuthin’ Muay Thai boxer (played by the legendary Bolo Yeung). So he ventures to Thailand to extract some revenge, but is also drawn to a Buddhist temple. There he discovers that he is linked to all powerful monk, who appeared earlier on when he saved his ass from some bad guys, who I think where connected to Mr Bu Bo, Bolo’s character (what a name, huh). BTW, this after the aforementioned baddies had murdered Chan’s best friend, Uncle 7 (yet another awesome name). Anyhow, the monk has been cursed by an evil wizard, as an act of vengeance, over murdering his lil’ bat buddy (you just HAVE to see the puppet used for this sequence). And because Chan is a blood relative, it’s his job to step up, which he agrees to. After some training, it’s time to face the evil wizard, which was that mind-melting scene that I linked last time. Would you believe me if I said that it was just the tip of the iceberg? Because it is.

Well, with the bad guy dead, Chan Hung believes his job is done and goes back home. First thing he does is totally forget that he’s a servant of Buddha by immediately banging his girlfriend. Meanwhile, the evil wizard’s best friends decide to conjure up a big bad priestess that will score them a victory once and for all. And the entire process is far more complicated and disgusting than what we’ve seen thus far. Yes, watching one guy behead a chicken, to squirt its blood all over the place, in order to animate alligator skulls, and then devour chicken entrails, which are immediately thrown up, and then eaten again, all pales in comparison to some? take a big breath… another guy eating a maggot infested chicken carcass, along with rotten fruit and banana peels, which is all thrown up and passed along to a second guy, who shoves it down his throat (with much enthusiasm I might add), to chew up and spit up once more for a third person, who repeats the process.

Oh, and a freshly cut off chicken anus is then added to the mix, which is all fed to a naked woman (it’s supposed to be her breakfast), who had been incubating in the body of an alligator. The gutting sequence alone almost made me throw up, and that was before the body was removed, which was completely covered in maggots. Catch all that? But there’s more! Boxer’s Omen is quite simply one of the most bizarre movies I have ever experienced (and that’s saying a lot btw). Never before has a movie been so genuinely unnerving and retardedly schlocky at the same time. It just needs to be seen to be believed. Unfortunately, as with Vulgaria, there was only showing, but it’s available on DVD, and better yet, someone uploaded the whole damn thing on YouTube. Good luck trying to watch it, and I really mean that.

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