08/21/2011

This Post Is Mostly For The Two Drunken Army Guys From Denny’s Late Friday Night

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Greetings from Washington State. It’s a lazy Sunday evening, here at the Starbucks a few blocks away from my childhood home. Decided to take a break from work and pass along a brief mid-trip report…

- Though there’s honestly not much to say. Mostly been spending copious amounts of time with my father, trying to get him acclimated to modern day technology. As expected, it’s been rough going, shoving the internet, email, the iPhone, wifi, Netflix, and everything in between, all down his throat at once.

Otherwise, been hanging with my b-fry from back in the day, Suzanne. Which has been somewhat tricky since there ain’t jack to do around these parts. Things were so bad Friday night that we ended up at our high school hang out, Denny’s. But it turned out for the best when we encountered two drunken army dudes that argued like an elderly couple, and took a liking to us.

One was quite clearly Korean, ethnicity-wise, and even had full blood Korean parents. But because he was born in Scotland, he insisted on being called Scottish. His pal on the other hand was from Milwaukee, yet was sporting a combination Scottish/UK accent (which to be honest, I found convincing… at first).

The latter dude was enamored by Suzy’s beauty, though he made an even bigger deal about how she was the daughter of a high ranking official. I on the other hand he kept pestering: “why aren’t you hitting that?!?!” Tried my best to explain that, hey, it’s complicated. First off, she’s married. Secondly, I’m in a weird place right now, romantically speaking. Thirdly, I don’t dig Asian chicks!

Meanwhile his pal was impressed by my line of work, yet also didn’t believe me, mostly because he didn’t recognize my handle from the message boards he frequents. Sorry, but my Gaming Age Forums/NeoGAF (along with Insert Credit, Select Button, plus Yay Hooray) days was ages ago. Still, he asked me to prove it by posting on my blog about them, so here we are. I usually don’t indulge strangers in such a manner, but they were cool dudes. Also, as noted, I’m f’n bored out here.

- Being back home is also a time to check in with those that I’ve lost contact with, or at leads find out about their whereabouts. I believe I’ve already mentioned the chum of mine, who was the runt of the gang, and also a pizza delivery boy. Not long after high school, he got a sweet gig at Boeing, building planes, and managed to accumulate a sweet looking truck, plus an even sweeter man cave. Granted, still wasn’t getting any, but was at least in a far better position to possibly attract the opposite sex. But then he got laid off (as did many at that point, so it wasn’t his fault), and instead taking advantage of the free year of college offered, to set himself up with a different career, developed a nasty habit in which he’d devour can after can of Cool Whip, then getting high off the aerosol once emptied.

After some time in rehab, he got his old job back, of delivering pizzas. Then he moved into a house with his teenage coworkers, and they all started band, called aptly enough The Pizza Delivery Boys. At the very least, he had become an alpha male, a long sought after dream. But that was year ago; last I heard, he joined the army. Well, apparently he’s a civilians again, and… back to delivering pizzas. lulz. Anyhow, I also discovered another pal of mine, from my high school graphic design class, still uses his Photoshop skills to this very day. To counterfeit $1 bills, that he blows at a strip clubs! But all that was topped by the news of how this one other dude, who used to be the drummer in the fake band I was lead singer and bassist (a death metal group called Dysentery) is now homeless and living behind the local Arby’s.

I still have no idea what happened to the pal of mine who was last spotted by Suzy’s brother Stephen, at a gas station, buying a tin of Vienna sausages. Which was actually dinner for his wife and five kids, each conceived at a different Phish concert. Man, there is truly no place like home. And yes, perhaps it’s about time I resurrected UNLUCKY.

- Every trip I forget stuff. This time around, it’s my toothbrush, my iPhone USB cable, and my copy of Cubivore, which was for when I crash at Cory and Mar‘s place for PAX this upcoming weekend! Oh well.

- Also every trip I make it out to the B&I, the arcade that I used to frequent as a child, but which has completely fallen into disarray. Yet somehow manages to stick around. I’ve passed along pics once before, many moons ago, and wanted to take some more, but my iPhone was acting up as usual (God, cannot wait for the iPhone 5 to finally come out). At least the ones that actually mattered came out.

Anyway, the place is still filled with rows and rows of broken down arcade machines, actually, more now than ever. But the only one that’s mattered has been Virtua Racing, which I make a point to give a spin every time Im home. Last I checked, it was out of order, and was hopeful for the possibility of some kind of miracle repair job. Well, tucked in the corner of the establishment, I stumbled across this:

Split in two. Yikes. Oh well, nothing lasts forever. And at least Virtua Fighter is still operational. BTW, I also wasn’t able to capture with my iPhone the exchange my dad with some rodeo clown that was hanging around the joint for some reason. Sorry Joe.

- Speaking of, my father also recently got a stainless steel wallet, to protect himself from individuals that walk around with infrared card readers in their pockets that snatch up credit info from those they pass by. Wrap your brain around that for a minute.

… That’s about it I guess. Once more, PAX is later this week! Can’t want to hang with various pals, many of whom I haven’t seen in ages. Though at the top of that list is my broheim Adam. But also later this week is a trip to city hall, to see if they have any pictures of the mall I used to work at as a teenage, but which no longer exists (it’s for the zine). Also going to try and track down the whereabouts of the teacher of the aforementioned graphic design class. Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice he gave me, which really set me on the right path.

All right, back to my GameSetWatch and Guyism duties!

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