Well… its almost been two weeks, so maybe an update is in order. And it?s been a crazy, rough past couple of weeks as well. I wish I could say it’s all been due to work, but unfortunately, a good deal of it has been assorted personal drama. Those who know me personally is well aware that I’ve been down in the dumps as of late, and also know the exact reasons why I’ve been so moody as of late.
I’ve always promised myself and others to never air dirty private laundry in a public forum, but even if I can’t or won’t get into details, I will at least acknowledge that, yes, some really heavy shit has gone down in the past month or so; anyone who recalls my last couple of seething with anger posts can probably already sense this. So no real need to hide pretend that everything is rosey, other than to say, I’m doing my best to keep on truckin’
BUT… it hasn’t been all doom and gloom these past few weeks, at least relatively speaking. Then again, the other quote I was going title this entry with was from this past Saturday night, “There’s that cheap ass n*gga right there!” by one of the many angry girls at a titty bar I found myself at in the middle of where-in-the-fuck, Queens. Oh, and that statement was directed at me, of course.
Point being, even when there’s not much going on… there’s always shit happening. Where to begin? Well…
Very Good Vegan Sludge
Last I wrote, it was two Thursdays ago. The Friday after that was Joe Salina’s birthday bash at his place in Long Island. Got to meet all his LI friends, including a long-time buddy… Mike I believe…. who had, far and away, the best “almost was molested by a creepy guy from the internet as a child” story I have ever heard. Oh, and the vegan sludge Joe prepared was quite delicious! And trust me, I’ve had my fair share. Oh, and the quote of that particular night had to be, as Joe ran from one end of his backyard to join a conversation I was having, and with a huge grin on his face: “Did someone say Anna Paquin?!?!”
“So what kind of music are you into?”
That following weekend, two Sunday nights ago to be precise, I spent the evening chatting up a storm with a white supremacist. Huh?
Okay, so as everyone knows, I spend a lot of time on message boards. And sometimes, folks who agree (or disagree) with what I have to say will go through the trouble of attempting to correspond with me, usually via instant messenger. This other guy… we’ll call him Tom… decided to drop me a line, totally out of the blue. Tom noticed me on the forum that he frequented… on which I actually do not, since it?s really small and not at all active. Anyway, he first made contact about… over half a year ago I think. He told me about himself, and I found out that he worked and lived in New York City, something to do with finances, so he spent his days in the Wall Street area. Seemed like a nice guy. I believe almost immediately he wanted to hang out, go to a bar or something. Maybe that sounds weird, but hey, I’ve met tons of people online… again, I consider myself the king of internet date, at least during the summer of 2003 or 04 where I went out with like 30+ women in a very short amount of time, plus I’ve met plenty of dudes at message board meet-ups, some of whom I have become the best of friends in real life. But, I was busy at the time, plus I really didn’t know the game that well, so I mentioned maybe soon, and he was cool with that.
As time went on, we would chat online, but very sparingly. Maybe once every two weeks, if that. I’m a busy person, and so was Tom. We always kept somewhat abreast of the major things going on each other’s lives, like when Tom lost his job, or when I lost my job, or when he broke up with his girlfriend. That kind of stuff. Semi-idle chit-chat.
Anyway, back to Sunday weekends ago, I was online… which is a rare evening for me, but I wanted to touch base with Simon and he’s almost always online, when Tom pinged me. He asked “So what kind of music are you into?” I went down my list of interests, which is pretty general, and when I asked him what he liked, the response was “Most power electronics.” Never heard of it. When I asked if its like electronica, he responded with “Far from it.” I then asked for a sample, which Tom provided. And here’s the clip.
Not sure about you, but it felt kinda…. Oh, when I originally asked him where I can taste a sample, the original response was “probably from your local power electronics artist or white power advocate” and I didn’t really pay much mind to that last part till seeing the clip. And then I asked if power electronics was actually white supremacist music, and he mentioned not all acts were, but some. And finally mentioned that he himself was a white supremacist.
Whoa! But… he seemed like a nice enough guy, hence why I didn’t immediately tell him to fuck off. Enough for me to pick his brain, because I then wanted to find out what made him tick. Actually, I’ve known some white supremacists in the past, and I kinda already know what makes them tick, or what made them tick if they are reformed, but… it’s pretty rare to run into a devout believe in white power in the Big Apple (and he was certainly a believer… immediately after the revelation, he passed along his website, with the splash page being just him standing next to a poorly Photoshopped SS logo… which btw, I am not going to pass along because… I simply don’t want to create further drama for myself). So for the following hour or so I asked what his views were and the such. Well, turns out that the guy is not at all into violence, which is why he distances himself from “other modern National Socialists”, who he claims are violent and dumb. As for specific views, Tom does not “believe” in race mixing “at all”… primarily whites and blacks having children together. Though he noted that “segregation would never work, it is too late for such laws to take place these days.” Why? Because in his opinion, multiculturalism never works, which in itself is the source of tension, primarily race tension, because “as humans, we all still have tribal instincts, and we notice differences upon our friends and foes alike.” Interesting… When I asked what the solution was, Tom felt that “we” ned to “help the blacks as much as possible… they want to be free.” By building them places to live, far off, such as Africa, and to pay them to go. Thinking back, I wish I had brought up Liberia and what he thought of that country and how it had been established.
I then asked what specific groups he hated, and there are only two, the blacks and the Jews (of course, everyone hates the Jews). I have to say, I was a bit bummed he didn’t mention Asians, since I figured that would be a great opportunity to bring up how I myself am the product of race mixing. Tom also noted the “awakening” that is taking place: “We call it a white awakening when someone wakes up out of their daily grind and realizes how a lot of things are controlled by the Jews in America.” Though when I noted how I worked at very orthodox Jewish company, Tom said he did too, which was somewhat of a shock. And when I asked if this was at all difficult, he said not at all. Why? Because “it’s only business” and then went on to say that its not like he socializes with them afterwards, nor is he completely intolerable of the races he wishes was out of the country. Which btw, is being destroyed by the blacks and the Jews, the same country his family fought for generations… which again is a common belief among many white supremacists, from my experience (again, growing up in even the progressive, liberal state of Washington, I’ve had my brush with Neo Nazis and the Klan). Tom also said that he doesn’t make racist jokes because “they’re rude, and low-brow” Very interesting… upon telling this to my friend Jay, he commented that this Tom guy was an “arm chair racist”, which is somewhat of an apt description in my mind as well.
Next I had to ask how the women he dates feels about this, and mentioned how his girlfriend is a white power advocate as well. Good for Tom I suppose. He then explained that this was the same girl who had dumped him earlier in the year, and then the conversation took a real turn…. It was explained that she had cheated on him, and I explained that I could certainly sympathize with that pain. So how did he react? By videotaping himself have sex with four of her friends, then sending it to his ex. What?!?! Exactly. But hey, I guess in the end, it all worked out…
By this point, I had run out of stuff to ask about regarding his views on race, but the whole sex, lies, and videotapes thing had also changed the conversation quite a bit, so I then decided to call it a night. Haven’t talked to him since.
Student/Teacher Meeting
Last Tuesday I hung out with Kim, a former student of mine. Aside from being into games (hence why she took my game design class in the first place I don’t know how many years ago), she works in the fashion industry, and I was able to pick her brain about the then upcoming Fashion Week, which I was supposed to cover for Zedge. But when she pointed out that I wouldn’t find much there (it’s a fact that fashion designers are getting more and more involved with cell phone design), it was clear that not going would spare me a ton of headaches (though I’m sure everyone would have loved to see footage of me getting into an argument some supermodel).
I was asked the one question I hear quite often… do I miss teaching? And yes, I do. While it was always a challenge, due to political environment I had to conduct a classroom in, I still found it immensely satisfying. Again, its a shame what went down at SVA, but what can I say other than, some people are just fucking nuts and I called them out on it. Interestingly enough, I ran into another ex-student while waiting for the train earlier this week, and I must confess, I do get a slight kick out of seeing the expressions on their faces when I tell them that, if I so much as set one foot on one of the Computer Art Department’s floor, the chair person has demanded that security be called and I be removed off premises. Well, I didn’t call John Mac “fuck face” for nothing!
The Sweet Taste Of Chicken Chips
Last Wednesday I met up with MK. She passed along a few presents from her trip to the Great White North. Trailer Park Boys DVDs, seasons 3, 5, and 6 (I already have the first and fourth), along with two bags of chicken chips! As the name implies, that’s chicken flavored potato chips, which we both discovered via the show, and which is only available in Canada.
Oh, so we saw Superbad, a film both of us had been dying to see for ages, primarily because of (Arrested Development’s) George Michael. Though when I also heard that it was “the best teen comedy in ten years” from numerous folks, my interest was further piqued. And it did not disappoint; Superbad might be one of the very best teen comedies I have EVER seen, easily blowing away such inane crap like American Pie (which granted at Alyson Hannigan, but criminally underused). The story, the dialogue, and especially the acting was top notch. Oh, and it rekindled my love for the Van Halen classic Panama as well.
And I was going to save it, but I decided to pop upon one of the bags of chicken chips, and it was surprisingly good! At least for a one-time taste experience.
I Made The Band!
Last Thursday night I had dinner with Joe Simko and June at Avenue A Sushi, for the opening night of an art exhibit featuring painted skateboards, which included not only Joe’s work, but one by Richie from the Beer Drinking Fools. He joined us for dinner and drinks as well, along with Moosehead from BDF/Black Out Shoppers and his girlfriend Christine.
As cheesy as it sounds, whenever I get together with Joe and June, we reminisce about the good times we had in Japan and how much we miss it. Oh btw, I finally uploaded all 1,750 pics from the trip onto Flickr (the entire process took literally 48 hours). It includes everything I posted here before, during my massive write-up, as well as many others I couldn’t fit in. And remember, there were about 800 more I had to throw out due to blurriness and redundancy! I’ve only begun to add titles and descriptions, but due to the sheer volume… it might take a while. Also, I’m kind of afraid that if I do, because some of the more racy (and quite awesome) h-stuff might get flagged.
Anyhow, after dinner, which was good, but not as good as the stuff we had in Japan (sorry!), the five of us went to Grassroots, which again is easily my favorite dive bar in the city. It was then I discovered that Moosehead and Christine are in another bad together, and that they’ve been desperately looking for a new singer. And when I offered my talents… I was in! Despite having zero previous experience as a punk rock singer (though in high school, I was the singer in a death metal band), and without even really auditioning, I was in their band, Skum City. What convinced them? My impression of Donald Sutherland at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which I love to do, and am quite good at as well! Just ask Katie. Next thing you know, I had to be at rehearsals the Friday after next, to get ready for my first show in mind October. Joe wondered if they knew what they were getting into… despite assurances that, if anything, I would give them 110% and quite the show. I also noted that at any time they could fire me at any time they felt fit, though Moosehead especially was confident that I would add “something” to the line-up. Even though I was pretty drunk, I still asked myself as the details were being laid out what the hell I was getting into, but I knew at the very least, it would at least make excellent material to write about! All I wanted was simply one actual, live performance, that?s all.
And Richie noted that when I finally do get kicked out of Skum City, I should join him and do some two-piece music experiment.
At Least I Got To See Inspector Tequila, Nice and Crystal Clear
Last Friday was pretty uneventful. My late dinner date/evening of ping-pong had to be postponed, so I simply picked up a copy of the just re-released Hard Boiled by Dragon Dynasty after work and went straight home. Where I then had like four shots of whiskey straight with my roommate. Which was nice and all, but I had totally forgotten when plans were changed of the standing offer from Mike O’Connor to hang at his house to play some music, check out Bio Shock, and maybe get lit. We also could have totally done the podcast we’ve been talking about as well.
Oh well… at least I got to watch Hard Boiled for the 7,000th time, but with the best picture and sound yet! Also, perhaps the best translation thus far.
The Girl Who Reads For Letterman/You’re Out Of The Band!
This past Saturday was a busy day: first I met up with the girl I was supposed to have dinner with the night prior for a late lunch/early dinner, after her wiffleball game. I originally met her while on assignment for GSW, when I went to report the recent Donkey Kong world record attempt at the D&B in Times Square. She’s a researcher for the David Letterman show, and is also from Washington State, so I can talk to her about Almost Live… Anyhow, we had burritos in Park Slope, which was quite nice. Though any plans for later that evening was not happening due to the fact that she had to read thick-ass book, and then submit a report, so when Letterman interviews the author later in the week, it’ll seem as if he “read” it. That’s showbiz…
I then went into Manhattan and hooked up with Joe Simko, and together we went back to Brooklyn, to Hank’s Saloon. There we were to meet up with Moosehead and Christine and a friend of Christine’s from Connecticut that she wanted me to meet. Unfortunately, due to lazy weekend trains, Joe and I just sat at the bar, chatting and drinking Heinekens while the place filled up with skinheads. I forgot the mention that this past weekend is perhaps one of the most annoying throughout the year in the city; Labor Day weekend means that the streets is packed to the gills with college kids fresh from where ever the fuck, all starting class the following Tuesday. I guess its a sign that I’m getting old that a gaggle of hot college girls does not instantly get me excited, but actually annoyed since what they say is sounding more and more like moon-speak each passing year. Anyway, there were these two dopey, wanna be Suicide Girls at the bar next to me, and I overheard one say to the other that their friends were really running late and wondered where they could be. And I wondered if they were waiting for the same people Joe and I were expecting, so I simply asked. Both had a look of horror, with one immediately turning to the other and going “Okay… so anyway!” in that annoying, valley girl from those horror flicks, the ones that the audience cheers for when she finally gets her throat sliced. She fucking thought I was hitting on her!
Moosehead and company eventually showed up, and I finally met the friend, who was cool and all, and we got along just great (and Joe and Christina was quite surprised and pleased by it all). The conversation flowed quite nicely… despite the fact that the douchebag skin heads next t us tried to exert their “authority” by constantly cramming into our personal space (they were the boyfriends of the two cunts from before and were obviously reacting to my “advances” onto them earlier). But when the band finally hit the stage and the friend went up to check them out, Christine asked what she thought of me, and then reported how she thought I was gay! Splendid. And when she returned, things were all of a sudden a bit awkward between us, but it was just as well, since Joe and I had another social engagement to catch.
Oh, and I was also informed that the drummer in Christine and Moosehead’s band had finally gotten ahold of a long time friend who is a seasoned singer, so I was booted from the band, a little less than 48 hours of being in it. Oh well, that’s rock ‘n roll…
Hey, at least I can go ahead and hook-up with Richie!
Cheap Ass Mr No Penny Part 37
Back to late Saturday night; I was going to join Joe and hang out with our friend Russ, but then those plans got canceled, so then it became just heading back to Joe’s apartment to maybe watch cable access the rest of the night. And that’s when I got the call from my other friend Nate; another friend of ours had just gotten a gig as bartender at a titty bar in Queens, and since it was her first night, she wanted us to stop by. It was clear that she wanted to moral support since she was nervous about her new job and the neighborhood, which was reason enough to go, though the promise of free booze certainly sweetened the deal. Oh, and there’s the whole chance to oogle tits and ass all night long, but here’s the deal… I am only attracted to white women. I’m sorry, they are the only ones who float my boat, sexually. Don’t get me wrong… its not like I could never fall in love with someone who is not Caucasian… in fact, I literally spent my college years flirting with a Chinese girl at the restaurant she worked at. But when it comes to instant, sexual gratification, the white women is where its at, at least for me. I think I’ve already explained how I especially am annoyed then white dudes go instantly bonkers for any Asian women walking down the street, no matter how she really looks, so long as she’s Asian. Whereas for myself, checking out an Asian girl would feel like I was checking out my mom, or a sister, if I had one. Okay, maybe not, but you get my point… though my once unwavering stance was swayed a bit, at least in regards to Japanese women due to my recent trip, and Korean women from this summer’s Asian film festival. Anyhow, I knew going in that this club would have exclusively Latino women, which is cool and all, its just not my thing. It should also be pointed out that strippers in general are certainly not my thing, but after going to a bunch of clubs over the past year or so (practically ever guy friend I know has gotten married over the past 18 or so months), that stance has also laxed, when I realized that ogling chicks with a bunch of friends can be lots of fun, especially if the are…. you know what, though most certainly a waste of money, there’s no denying that.
Anyway, the place was in Woodhaven, which meant taking the J train. And the J train, or any of the shit brown trains, on a late Saturday night, can be kind hairy. That particular night, at least in my car, was a photo-shoot for a bunch of wannabe homey-g rappers. So if you’re walking around Time Square or Chinatown, and some young black kid tries to sell you a CD-R of his latest “release”, be sure to check the cover, and if its of him and his crew flaunting gang signs in the middle of a train, look to the back or to the sides… most definitely, that one white guy will probably be me. Anyway, as expected, it took forever to get to Woodhaven Blvd and we weren’t even sure if the somewhat vague directions would get us to our destination, but they worked… it was located right next to the highway. The place looked hella rundown out front, and inside it was clear that it was used to be a house, one that was completely gutted, with mirrors put up on the wall, and black and red paint covering all non-reflective surfaces, as well as a huge circular bar in the middle, with two poles and a bunch of women walking all around inside. Simply imagine the club in Dusk Till Dawn, except not as nice.
As expected, all the women were Hispanic…. as were most of the patrons. Meaning Nate and myself were the only white guys in the joint, for the most part. Which translated us to being a magnet for the women the entire time. Why? Well, because white guys apparently have the most money, or at least are supposed to; whenever another white guy showed up, they were the ones who gave out the cash. Every one of them btw were ultra creepy, high school principle types, with pervy grins at all times. But yeah, this posed quite the problem since both my friend and myself were not interested in dolling out dollar bills. After-all, the main reason why we went out to Queens was because we’re such tightwads. Speaking of, the free drinks never materialized, which isn’t much of a surprise since it was our friend’s first night working there. And especially because it wasn’t going that well (the girls were all kinda mean to her), we didn’t feel like pressing the issue at all.
Like I said, I have very specific taste in women… hey, some guys prefer only skinny women, some want only short girls…. so I feel there’s no real difference. But Nate was not in the same boat, and clearly enjoyed the show, regardless of the ethnicity. Meaning once again explaining/justifying explaining myself, which has gotten rather old at this point. Anyhow, as time passed, and as he also got drunker, Nate had loosened the grip of his wallet, and that was just plain awesome since that meant I would have to chip in the bulk of the car service later that night (it was quickly determined that we sure as hell was not going to spend another 2 hours on the train trying to get out of there). When the time came and the call was made, we were told that we had eight minutes till our ride arrived, and that’s when Nate decided to give his last dollar to one girl whom he wanted to chat with. So while he was in the scary as fuck bathroom, his girl came around and I asked her to stick around since my friend wanted to talk. At least she wasn’t as scary or mean looking like all the other chicks. And waiting, what does she do? Dance for me, of course. But not just any dance; she pointed her ass towards me and began to pucker her vaginal lips. I can’t say I was turned on, but I was impressed by the feat, nonetheless. Soon Nate showed up and they began talking. And talking. And soon it was clear that Nate was flirting with the girl, whose name was “Baby”… yeah, right. I then began to worry that we would miss our ride, so I said I’d wait out front and call him when it was time (though mostly I was sick and tired of telling girls that I didn’t want to shove a dollar between their tits).
Now, separating the outside and the inside was a small hallway space, where Nate and I had to show our IDs in the very beginning. This time, it was filled with dancers, all taking a smoke break. And the second they saw me, they all began to scowl. As I attempted to go past them, towards the exit, they all began to yell “There’s that cheap ass, broke n*gga right there!” I liked it better when I was just a “Cheap Ass, Mr. No Penny”, it at least sounded a tad bit more dignified then “broke n*gga”. And, again referring to that one “incident” while waiting in line at Taco Bell when I lived in Harlem, at least it was just one asshole laying is finger on me. This time, I had eight or so angry stripper all poking at my back, and even the back of my head. Needless to say, it was pretty fucking humiliating, but what the hell am I gonna do? The bouncer was also there, and I head him go “Oh yeah?” in response to the women’s complaints, like he was going to shake me down. So the instant I heard that, I quickened my pace.
And as soon as I was outside, I immediately called Nate to tell him to get his ass outside. Of course he didn’t pick up, and next thing you know, while standing at a street corner, next to a highway, in some god forsaken part of Queens, a bunch of livery cars pulled up, wanting to give me a ride. So then I had to makes choices; take these offers, or wait for a car that might never come? The entire scene was a fucking nightmare. There was also some crack head on the opposite side of the street, just staring at me. When Nate finally showed up, I told him what went down, and exclaimed “Dude, we have to get the FUCK out of here, NOW!” Some car then pulled up, and the window went down. I figured it was our ride. As I approached, the guy had this shit-eating grin on his face, and when I looked down, there was a girl in the passenger seat. She was totally passed out, and looked to either have already been date raped, or was going to be later that night. Nate asked me “Dude, where are you going? Who is that guy?” I DIDN’T KNOW. HE LOOKED AT ME, AND I THOUGHT HE WAS DRIVER OR SOMETHING. I WAS CONFUSED, AND SEMI-PANICKING. ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WANTED TO LEAVE.
Thankfully, our car showed up. The price was more than we were quoted, but I didn’t give a shit, all I wanted to do was leave… And during the ride home, Nate was sorry that I didn’t have a good time, but said “Hey, at least you have something to write about for your blog!” Which I guess is true… He also doesn’t mind me telling the whole world that he was part of my escapades, because he honestly doesn’t give a shit if anyone knows that he likes strip clubs and stuff like that.
Fighting Weapon Battle: Drei… Decided!
The next day, this past Sunday, was far more relaxed. I went over to Dave Mauro‘s place in Greenpoint to spend the afternoon and evening playing games and watching movies. Joe Salina was there, as was Jeremiah. I brought over a ton of wacky Japanese titles for the PS2 that I’ve acquired from the web, all of which I know I’ve already described here, but anyway…
The Cat Fight – We started off with a Simple 2000 title, which is a series of ultra cheap titles that has amassed quite the cult following. Surprisingly, neither Dave nor Joe had ever heard of it before. Hmmm. There’s been 100+ titles for the PS2 alone, and about a half dozen are surprisingly decent, for again, shovelware. Everything else pretty much sucks, and The Cat Fight belongs on the “shit” pile. Basically you’re a bikini-clad girl that has to fight others in a wrestling ring, though the rules are kinda boxing like. You also get to use weapons, like folding chairs and even bats wrapped with barbwire (where’s Cactus Jack and Terry Funk?). The girls animated horribly, and the action is beyond stiff (insert joke here). And the girls are nothing to shout about. But at least their boobs jiggle! Awkwardly…
The All Star Fighting Action – Next up was another Simple 2000 fighter; this one is like their Super Smash Bros, since its features an “all star cast” of characters from assorted Simple 2000 titles. The character selection includes (I won’t bore you with names of the games they are from, at least not yet, but some will be clear in a sec) a cowgirl that wields a katana to destroy zombies, a strike force guy that fights alien, some historical Chinese figure, a kid with a pumpkin for a head, some random yakuza guy, some strange fish-type person that moves very effeminately, and the giant bikini girl who walks around destroying office buildings (which I have yet to play btw). Everyone is mo-capped and their animations are extremely fast (though not at all fluid), and yet the game itself moves super slow. The music is either over dramatic orchestrations or lazy jazz. I really hated how the supposed to be 50 foot tall girl was regular sized, but I loved the “poses” she would do. It was fun for about four minutes.
The Splatter Action – Because Dave was intrigued by the pumkin headed kid, he popped in the game he’s derived from. Basically a Streets of Rage/Double Dragon clone, except with a slight Nightmare Before Christmas graphical make over. Looks awesome, with neat looking and moving enemies. The first level boos was this huge Crow that was particularly impressive. Unfortunately, like games of those type, it got old real quick.
Ikusagami – Does anyone remember me mentioning this game over two years ago? Well, it’s average Dynasty Warriors clone, but with the distinction of featuring 65,535 characters on-screen at the same time. Which means the action gets pretty intense. Granted, like all games in its league, all you do is hit the same button over and over again, but the eye candy (the game is hella pretty) makes it acceptable. I’m pretty surprised that something like this never game to the States, while rather mediocre fare like Devil Kings managed to.
Choaniki- Seinaru Protein no Densetsu – Some folks have already heard of the Choaniki series of shumps, which instead of a traditional space ship stars two gay musclemen. It’s about as WACKY JAPPY as it can get, with enemies including angry mushroom men and raccoons that look… I fucking kid you not…. as if they are masturbating. The funny thing is how the PS2 iteration was developed by Psyiko, a well-known shumps developer. Though one they clearly worked had the guy in training do after hours or during the weekends.
Dream Mix TV World Fighters – Yet another Smash Bros wanna be, this time from Konami and Hudon and maybe some other people. This one many people have at least heard of, because its the one that stars Twin Bee, Bomberman, Master Higgins, Simon Belmont, Solid Snake, YuGiOh, AND Optimus Prime. Hey, they made Optimus just like the toy! Fun for about three minutes, which if you’ve been paying attention, is a minute less than The All Star Fighting Action. For whatever reason, we couldn’t figure out how to get two players in the game, and we all know boring Smash Bros can be as a one-player experience, and that game is actually good. Joe noted how at one pointed he wanted to pick this us, so he thanked me for saving him money.
Hokuto No Ken/Fist of the Northstar – A 2D fighter based on Fist of the North Star. Easily the biggest hit of the night, with very fluid and HUGE sprites, plus totally wacky post apocalyptic characters, along with insane special moves, intros, and the such. Joe noted that animation in the game trumps what’s in the cartoon or movies ten fold, and I couldn’t agree more. Also, I’ve never seen a game with so many god damn special gauges. Plus, the sound design was brilliant, as was the opening theme (“YOU ah SHOCK!!!”). The beginning of each round never failed to get a laugh either: “THE TIME OF RETRIBUTION… DECIDE THE DESTINY!” There were many quote of the nights, and half of them was from this game alone. Too bad we didn’t know any of the instant death moves, which has to be gruesome as fuck (given the source material… which again, I’ve always hated, with the only really good thing being everyone heart’s or head’s exploding with just a simple touch). Though the best super move was one character was able to drop the very top of a pyramid fall right on top of his opponent, which the adversary caught (and all of sudden, he was standing on the base). And as he struggled to keep it balanced, dude gets hit with 20 arrows right in the chest, which caused him to loosen his grip and get crushed by the weight. Awesome!
Warpath: Jurassic Park – Next up was not a PS2 game, but a PSone title, and the game that was supposed to be the center of Fighting Weapon Battle: Drei, which some might recall was supposed to take place a few weekends ago, but we didn’t have the proper hardware at the time. But Jeremiah brought along his modded PStwo, so we were good to go! And not surprisingly, the game totally, TOTALLY sucked. How bad can a fighting game featuring dinosaurs possibly be? And if you’re answer is “Primal Rage”, believe it or not, it’s twenty times worse. Seriously. Controls, graphics, sound, it all sucks. It’s also really strange; the sense of scale for example is totally fucked. The first bout took place at a gas station, where our dinos were clearly towering, yet there was this dog that ran up to them, and it was almost half their size, meaning it was maybe seven feet tall? That’s another thing; in each stage you either have an animal or person, running around, sometimes into the action (literally, due to shitty hit detection). I believe you’re supposed to eat them, but we couldn’t figure out how, and they also made zero sense: if you saw two dinosaurs tearing each other apart, yeah, I’m sure you’d be curious too, but enough to run between their legs? Why am I even asking such dumb, obvious questions? The roaster was also extremely lame, and at one point, Dave picked the gayest looking dinosaur ever, something crossed with an antelope. And I knew if I had gotten beaten, I would have to walk away from video games forever. Thankfully, I won. And in Dave’s defense, he was controlling a fucking antelope dinosaur. In fact, in the end, it was between just Joe and myself, but at that point, both Dave and Jeremiah were so fucking bored that they went to watch YouTube videos of cats in the next room. In the end, I had won our bout and was crowned the champion of the third Fighting Weapon Battle. Totally fantastic. I flat out suck at video games, and the one tournament I won has to be centered around a piece of shit that manages to make dinosaurs look lame.
Super Galadelic Hour – I think I’ve talked about this game like a million times already. So it was a true joy to share it with the rest of the guys. Jeremiah’s jaw was agape the entire time. Anyhow, the game itself is pretty simple: control one of four animal themed girls (furries? not quite… maybe) and pit her against the others in brain dead simple mini games. But it’s all about the presentation. Imagine Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In, but knocked up to 11. If there’s one cliche that drives me nuts is when someone says such and such game designer was clearly on drugs, but this once, I have to agree. It’s loud and sugar coated, and the girl who is supposed to a bear has the most gynormous tits imaginable. Purely awesome just for novelty’s sake. Also, a shining example of how Enix was far better off without Square.
Samurai Showdown Special – This one Joe brought, and it features every single character that has appeared throughout the series, plus one or two additional faces, including a sexy maid! Oh Japan. So of course I played as her for the most part. It was hard to really get a firm grasp on the action since it features all the different styles from past games, which are all over the place, and party why the series kinda petered out. I still give them credit for experimenting, it just didn’t work out in the end. Plus everything was in Japanese, making it all the more confusing, but it was decent I guess. And hey, any fighting game with President Andrew Jackson is okay in my book.
Neo Geo Battle Coliseum – SNK’s all star fighting game is pretty neat, even if the character selection is a bit lacking. Does it really need that many KOF characters? Where’s Magician Lord? One of the King of the Monsters monsters? The ship from Last Resort?
Spectral vs Generation – Basically another 2D animu brawler that could be best described as a combo of Last Blade and Guilty Gear. The best, and worst, part here is the animu theme song that not only kicks off the game, but is also played in the third and final round of any bout, because its so fruity and dramatic and totally out of place. If anything, it forces the player to be damn good, and have the matches as short as possible, to avoid hearing it.
The Oneechanpon 2 – Remember the cowboy girl with the katana that fights zombies that I mentioned before? This was her game. Actually, I forgot to mention that she’s also in a bikini. Anyhow, the breakout success of the entire Simple 2000 series, this particular game is the fourth in the series (its an amped up version of the sequel, and the prequel also had a SUPER version as well) and is basically you, as some girl, mowing down zombies and other sorts of creatures. Its Devil May Cry with tits, though far linear level design. Anyway, Dave decided to play as the main girl’s best friend or nemesis, I don’t know, I’m not that familiar with the series nor understand Japanese, which is basically a chick in tight, tight leather and sporting a racing helmet. Extremely hawt. Oh, and along with a sword, she has a shotgun. Even better! Unfortunately the game is still a budget release at heart, with really shoddy hit detection, but at least it looks pretty (well, they had four chances to get it right) and the zombies this time actually move their legs when shuffling towards you, unlike the very first one, in which they… didn’t.
The Earth Defense Force 2 – The other big Simple 2000 game, and tied with the Fist of the Northstar game as the hit of the evening. Its you as some defender of the planet Earth versus super huge insects from outer space. I still can’t get over how fucking beautiful the game is; its easily puts some AAA, big budget games to shame. Dave and Joe had a blast playing co-op; the guns are awesome, and everything is destructible, with the most of the fun being the ability to destroy every single building in sight while blasting bugs. The first time we saw Big Ben fall, we all went “OHHHH!!!!” in unison.
Space Fisherman – About as wacky as the title makes it out to be. You’re an alien, hired by another alien, to “fish” for other aliens. The art style is very Spumco/John Kricfalusi and looks phenomenal. And the music is extremely catchy. The theme song kicks major ass. Unfortunately, the gameplay seems pretty tricky, but I think the language barrier is partly the blame. At the very least, even though I haven’t been able to catch a fish yet, I’m still enjoying myself about a billion times more than Twilight Princess. Oooh, burn!!!
Blood + One Night Kiss – The last game of the night, and perhaps the worst (given how shitty Warpath was, that’s saying a LOT). It’s by the guy that made Killer 7, and both looks like Killer 7, which means the graphics are gorgeous and the art design is brilliant (the interface relies on cell phone imagery, which naturally, I totally dig), and also appears to play like Killer 7, which means its needlessly cumbersome and complicated, yet completely devoid of shit to actually do. Funny how the Killer 7 fans/apologists are jacking off to this one.
… Oh, and we all watched Black Belt Jones. The runner up for quote of the night had to have been “I’ll make you look like a sick a faggot.” For those of you who have missed my glowing love and appraisal in the past, its stars Jim Kelly, aka the black guy from Enter The Dragon, who has to protect an all black karate school which was run by Scatman Crothers from the a bunch of Italian and black stereotypes. It is seriously the greatest blacksploitation kung-fu ever made, and its also a crying shame that its not on DVD. And even though I have like a billion things on my plate, perhaps I should do my own review/break-down of the movie, GSW style?
We also watched Karate Ruler, on DVD. It was the first time I noticed that it’s actually different from the original! Just an additional bit of dialogue near the end, which serves as the title of this entry. Gotta say, the world’s creepiest table looks even creepier on Dave’s 50 inch plasma screen. We also screened the pseudo-sequel, Karate Lover, which most of my friends have yet to see. Again, this time its a retard version of James Bond, featuring a retard android and a retard hottie. Truly a must see!
The Way We Were…
Monday saw a Labor Day BBQ/housewarming party at Abby and Matt Loux‘s new place near Carroll Garden. Steve was present, and he introduced me to a friend of his who maintains one of the biggest, and most popular Simpsons fan sites out there. And he’s been invited out to California to get a first hand look at the new Simpsons game that is being produced on the behalf of EA. The same Simpsons game that should have come out earlier this summer, to coincide with the release of the movie and which I hear has been in developmental hell for a while now, so when asked what they wanted, I explained that they simply wanted the blessing of a member of the fan community, the golden seal of approval that the game was indeed “legit.” And they would get it no matter what. Hope he packs enough lube! And hopefully he’ll share his experience with me, which I’ll then pass along to you guys.
Afterwards I went to Manhattan to hang with Simko yet again, this time for his pseudo bachelor party. So what did all the guys do that night? We hung out at his apartment and drank beers, had food from a restaurant that’s literally three blocks away delivered, and watched TV of course! I provided the entertainment once again, in the form of K Thor‘s Evil Video 2, since it seemed most appropriate, given that Joe and I used to assemble our out television mix tapes of wacky shit we discovered on cable access back in the day. Hey, that’s still much better getting drunk and watching animal planet, back when we were all single, during those “other” glory days.
NJTransit Clusterfuck Update: I’m Going To Jail?
No real updates to report. To be honest, with so much shit going on, as much as I didn’t want to, I decided that I simply didn’t have the time, nor the energy to spare, when it came to fighting the ticket. So I decided to just fucking pay the bullshit $75 fine. But when I called the courts this past Friday, I was told that my ticket was not in the system yet, despite it being over a week. Also, the deadline was approaching… it was actually yesterday.
Since I couldn’t even pay if I wanted to, due to the ticket not being in the system, I asked if ticket is submitted past the deadline date, would I automatically be held accountable for not paying on time? I was told no, but I’ve been bullshitted before, obviously. I then asked what happens, if I don’t pay the fine, and was told a warrant for my arrest would be issued. I asked if that shit actually happens, if people are thrown in jail due to some violation that revolves around a $1.35 ticket, and was told bluntly, “yes”. Which now makes me want to fight it again. God I fucking love New Jersey…
The Strings Continue To Flow
Hey, its been a while since I pointed towards some highlights at the every increasingly bumpin’ fort90forums! Some thread I forgot to mention before, and others I might have already, but rest assured, if that’s the case, its only gotten awesomer over time!
- First off, be sure to check out screencaps from my long lost movie, 7012, as well as the story behind it.
- Speaking of movies, I cannot wait for Joust: The Movie!
- Why does Time hates Halo?
- And guess what? I still don’t care about HD gaming.
- Super Mario, and Rube Goldberg, together.
- As well as some really cute Super Mario comic from the 80s.
- A peep at video game advertising from the past.
- A really cute game about moving.
- The obligatory why Killer 7 and Metal Gear Solid sucks so bad topic.
- The YouTube repository keeps filling up, and now features the death of Hamas Mickey, annoying hipsters, very creepy motion-capture, the glorious Hornet 41 car (from Daytona USA) realized, Michael Cain blinking a lot, and a young ninja girl beating the shit out of defenseless animals.
- Want to hear about folks bitching about new upcoming Jane Austen TV adaptations?
- A handy list of unwritten subway rules.
- And the 411 on the upcoming chiptunes cruise.
… But of course, the best shit is for members only, such as…
- The crazy sexual advice thread.
- The wacky sexy video thread.
- Banjo about to rape Kazooie.
- The ever popular S-S-S-S-SOUL CANCER repository, now featuring a very cute comic featuring a horny zombie girl.
- The all-new NSWF Motherload.
- Talk about Judgement Day.
- And on a related note, talk about awesome religious programming, along with some chatter about Satanism.
- Both Titty Terror and the most amazing “sexy” Fantastic Four comic EVER.
- The very popular fuckable literary figures topic.
- Regular Emma Watson/Hermoine updates.
- The official mucus girl appreciation thread.
- Katie’s transcription of a drunken voicemail from some time ago, which I’m only bring up now because earlier in the weekend, I think Dave asked what “the strings must flow” is all about.
- And the revised list of cartoon girls I’d like to bang, which has now video game girls, and will soon include comic book characters, and possibly even Muppets!
… I cannot tell you how proud I am of that place! Can you tell?
Odds & Ends
Oh, so the third preview mini of UNLUCKY is finally available online! Also, if you haven’t gotten you copies of the first two, you can nab all three at a super reasonable price!
And one thing I forgot to mention about Sunday is that I finally got the chance to pick up the shirts Colin made for me before he went back to school!
Plus, during dinner earlier this week with Mike Simses, at a really classy joint that served $22 macaroni and cheese (but god damn it, it was the best f’n mac’n cheese I’ve ever had), and which also had a bathroom that was straight out of the ending of 2001, I discovered that, while the Weekly World News may no longer exist, at least that video of me as the Bigfoot fanatic lives on via YouTube.
As for immediate plans, Troll 2 is apparently playing tomorrow night, at midnight, at the Sunshine, which I might try to check that out. Though I just know the place will be packed with annoying hipsters, though the chance to see Troll 2 on the big screen might just be worth it. Later this weekend is Joe Simko’s birthday celebration, and coincidentally, and Joe Salina has just informed me that The Terror of Tiny Town is playing in Coney Island that night as well. And considering that Simko is all about midgets… plus I always like getting the two Joe’s together, for shits and giggles.
And hopefully, I’ll hear from Sonic The Wrestler, very soon, who I just emailed for a possible email, for GSW. I’m not sure, but I might actually be the one who introduced the guy to the rest of the video games world at large earlier this week via my comment over at Steve Totilo’s blog!
… Hopefully this one will actually happening, since I haven’t heard jack from Red Octane regarding an interview with the Guitar Hero 2 hacker that they hired for part 3…
Oh, and I’m going to try my best to post more frequently to avoid yet another needlessly long post like this. But at least there’s plenty to read and sift through this hopefully upcoming lazy Friday afternoon! Then again… summer is kinda over with, so no more half days or lite schedules for many. It’s back to the full-time grind. And I somewhat welcome it. This has easily been one of the worst summers ever…
