02/19/2007

Even More Random Complaining And Robots And Piles Of Dead Video Game Girls

by Matthew Edward Hawkins

Sorry, but I have to ask: what in the fuck is going on? Especially in New York City. Let’s see….

- The mailman now just drops off random people’s mail. At first I was getting letters addressed to other people named Matthew in Brooklyn, but now there is zero consistency to stuff I’ve been getting. And I’m still missing valuable pieces of parcel, such as tax forms and at least one freelance check.
- The garbage-men don’t give a shit either. For weeks the trash has been piling up all over my block. Correct me if I’m wrong, but there has been no holidays the past couple of weeks, so what the fuck? Yeah, it?s cold. I know. I wish we could all just shirk our responsibilities when there’s now out. EDIT: Okay, so they finally picked up some shit on Friday. But almost two weeks late? Come on.
- The cab drivers have all gone insane. Yeah, they always drive recklessly, but now it?s totally out of hand. And no, I don’t buy that the snow is reason enough why they’ve all become aggressive, demolition derby fucks.
- In fact, all drivers in the city have fucking gone nuts. The constant cutting people off to rush to a fucking red light, the getting pissed at you if you aren’t going 50 less then .03 seconds of the light turning green, as well as everyone’s inability to park properly has always been an issue, but its increased twenty-fold over the past week or so.
- The subways are running far worse than usual. First off, what the hell has happened to the N train? Does it not like Brooklyn anymore? And don’t even get me started on the assholes running the show. Speaking off, time for another subway story, or two:

… Earlier this week, on my way to work, I had planned on purchasing a weekly Metrocard, but both of the two vending machines at my station were out of service. One of them was open and an MTA worker was doing something, with another standing guard, and the second machine was also off-line (I’m assuming it was next to be serviced). As I walked down, I ended up getting into a mini staring contest with the attendant who was doing the guarding, and this woman gave me a “what the fuck are you looking at?” glance. Anyway, so I went over to the token booth to by a card, but I only had $3 in bills, so I wanted to buy just one way, but he refused and said that I had to get at least two rides ($4). Mind you, if I had a spare/empty/expired Metrocard, he would have just put $2, SO WHAT’S THE FUCKING POINT OF THE RULE? So as I was digging around my pockets for change to make up the extra dollar, I just looked over at the machines again, in hopes that they were maybe working now. They weren’t. And then the woman, noticing this, said in the most condescending tone possible, as well as saying it very slow and loudly, like how people address those who don’t understand English very well, as if that actually works: “What do you want me to do? The machines are out of service. if you want to purchase a Metrocard, then ask the attendant in the booth for help” Like she couldn’t tell I was in the process of getting one. My response? “Well, I wanted to buy an unlimited card, but I don’t have enough money for that, which is why I wanted to use a machine!” And to that, the cunt responded with “WELL HOW ABOUT NEXT TIME YOU GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER?!?!” And I swear to fucking God, I so wanted to just run over and fucking flat the shit out of her. But again, that would mean 7 years jail time, since, you know, they deserve the same degree of protection that police officers and school teachers have since, they too contribute to society.

Also, a few days later, while waiting at a platform for a train, something wet fell on my hair, and sometimes the stations just drip with water from above, and in this case, with all the cold weather, it could have been melted ice, but it was warm and definitely smelled like urine….

Back to people; is it just me or has everyone in this city, as well as everyone on this God damn planet, become so fucking apathetic?!?! Seriously, no one gives a shit about anything anymore and it feels as if society is officially grinding to a halt. There’s been an entire cast of obnoxious assholes myself and friends have all had to deal this entire week, making everyone’s life just all that much more difficult or annoying. Take late last night for example: MK & I just wanted to have dinner at Tom’s Restaurant, a place I used to frequent back when I lived up in Harlem (most people know it as the Seinfeld diner), for old time’s sake, though primarily because I really wanted an awesome milkshake (and it by far has the best of any place in the city), and we took Robin and Jenny. But instead of a nice, relaxing late-night meal, the place was jam packed with pieces of shit, snotty rich kid Columbia students yelling and screaming at each other. Behind Robin and Jenny was maybe the loudest table, which included a bunch of dumb, drunk and high skinny white girls on coke, and the head of the table was some drug dealing looking motherfucker whom all the white girls are fucking so they can feel and sound so cool, at least when they tell their friends back home what they’re doing in school in the big apple. And for whatever reason, the dude kept staring at me, with a slight tinge of a snarl on his face, like we wanted to fight or something. To back and right of me a tabled filled with dopey white bleach blonde, Californian surfer type dudes that were throwing butter packets at the first table, and I was so waiting for one of them to hit Robin, or even MK, so I can just run over and slap someone (and get my ass kicked probably, simply due to being outnumbered, but it would have been such an awesome scene). Also worth noting that at the table directly behind me had another gaggle of annoying college fucks, with one girl with stupid green face-paint, and resembling the Ultimate Warrior.

In of itself, the whole scene wasn’t the worst thing ever… highly annoying yes, but not the end of the world. Nor any of the shit that I previously listed, but the thing is, taken by themselves they aren’t bad, yet when you get literally pile them on, say 60 in a day, then you just want to pull out a gun and start blowing folks away. And that’s been the kind of week its been, just one stupid annoying problem, after another. If not the extreme cold making the front door locks lock-up, and causing my front door key to break, its how the PSP memory stick that I bought from Amazon has turned out to be a bootleg (and the resulting conversation between myself and Amazon marketplace seller, which could be best described as “cordial” and “articulate”). Another stupid fuck that I myself haven’t had to deal with personally but Jason is some douchebag that wanted to buy Firecrotch,com from us (it was the original home of Jizzmoppa) and how his attempts at low balling us didn’t work, so now he’s all pissed off, sending us angry emails (the amount of money he’s offering is beyond paltry, especially given that he obviously wants it for some porn portal that is guaranteed to make him rich). Some basic advice to anyone that wants to appear assertive via email: check your spelling and use proper punctuation, please.

Oh, now I have this other headache about getting my money back for the bootleg memory stick since I used my Citibank card to pay for it, and I was hoping to close that account, but Amazon won’t apply the credit to my new Washington Mutual card, so I have to keep the first one open, and I really hate Citibank, and…. Sorry… its just been one of those kinds of weeks.

But there’s been a few bring moments. Valentine’s Day at movie night was fun. We watched the most amazingly hilarious Abbott & Costello short ever, and the main feature, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang was very good. I hadn’t seen or heard of the film before, and maybe if I saw the trailer way back when, I might have not liked it, plus I’ll even admit that its perhaps a tiny bit too slick and smug in spots, but overall, a pretty solid and tight film, as well as an excellent choice for Valentine’s Day viewing. Also, it has Val Kilmer, and I’m kind of a fan of the guy (don’t ask me why… and yes, even though the film sucked, I don’t he was that bad as Batman, though I might have to see it again, since its been ages), and Robert Downey’s performance was so strong that I now feel a tiny bit better about him being Iron Man.

Later in the event, MK gave to me a totally sweet present: an inked and painted scene from Pulp Fiction, of the couple in the beginning of the movie, at the diner, as they made their plans for mischief. I’ll try to pass along a scan of it very soon. Overall, a good V-Day, and I didn’t even mind when the chocolate hear fill with caramel liquor that I put in my shirt pocket exploded (when we both running around in the freezing snow, desperate to hail down a cab) and left a huge gooey, chocolate stain all over chest.

Another highlight from this past week was Kevin Colden and Miss Gross Lasko’s wedding party, which was held at MoCCA HQ. Aside from celebrating their unification among friends, the best damn chicken fingers ever, and assorted animation cels from classic 80′s/90′s cartoons, was the chance to meet a friend of Dave (Roman)’s, Nicholas, whose art I’ve seen for a while now in various places. I also had some bad news to break to Dave: NiGHTS is not in-fact a girl, but a weird androgynous, unisex “person”. Sorry!

Again, been way too busy to keep abreast of gaming news (though from what I’ve checked out, its been kind of a dead week), nor spend much time on the web, but thankfully, Robin has come to my aide by passing along a few interesting items, including, this story about some guy who got sent to jail for modding Xboxes, a new series of plush blocks that looks quite familiar, and a neat idea that I’m definitely going to try out myself when I get my new place. He’s even been kind enough to let me know of stuff outside of the world of gaming, such as some story about Batman scaring the shit out of Arizona school kids.

Robin, btw, recently described my blog as “Our Daily Show”, which is seriously one of the best complments I have ever gotten regarding this site! Hence why he is now an offical “correspondent” in my eyes. So how gay is that? I don’t care.

Back to gaming stuff, I actually have been able to stop by Select Button’s dungeon basement, and the highlight this week is this:

For the original, just go here, and to see more, just change the numbers in the URL (it goes up to 24). For those who don’t know, its just another fine example of the fun one can have in Gary’s Mod. And yeah, I think the person who created might have women issues.

Anyway, Robin also passed along another fine example of SOUL C-C-C-C-CANCER!!! that I decided to pass along here, because its seemed to fit there best, plus my new brand-spankin’ forums are kinda dead at the moment, so I’m currently looking for a cheap way to generate traffic (to view it you’ll need to register, but that’s like totally super simple to do).

Time for something far more G-rated: its a study by Katie for her upcoming second contribution to Unlucky, which details my war with “Crutch”:

Its quite nice, but I’ve since asked for revisions, primarily in regards to how Crutch looks, since here he looks too normal. BTW, for a slightly higher-res version, simply click here. And if you poke around Katie’s Flick, you’ll also find her self-portrait of me.

And MK recently gave me the head’s up on the daily comic by Jason Sho Green.

Also, Farel recently updated his LJ, and he’s got great news and some new pieces up as well.

Finally, as busy as I am, I still have time for my new favorite website, which still keeps on giving…

  • http://lj.slonie.com Slonie

    Kiss Kiss Bang Bang rules. I’m surprised you didn’t remember my breathless endoresement of it when it was in theaters…(where nobody saw it). It’s just another in a long line of brilliant movies written by Shane Black. (honorary mention also goes to Predator, for having Shane Black *in* it).

  • Sonictail

    It’s good to know that railway workers are apathetic the world over, but it reminds me of a quote “if it wasn’t for the customers this job would be perfect”

  • J

    http://digglicious.com/component/option,com_digglicious/type,details/value,156266/

    one of your old posts has been dugg/delicioused

    weird….

  • https://www.fort90.com Matt

    Actually, I’m just more impressed by the combo of both digg and delicious, primarily by how it can embed an entire web page.

    As for an old entry getting linked, its actually not surprising. That page is still by far the most popular thing I’ve ever posted and still get linked to on a daily basis.

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